Through The Pain, The Agony

House #3, Photo by Francesca Woodman, 1976

Islands

Mindaugas Buivydas

edited by me

By Laura Makabresku

the devil’s whispers:

you can do it tomorrow (if you don’t do it now you’ll never do it ever)

you have a lot of time left (life is actually pretty short and we don’t have that much time)

you can skip this one little thing today (you are functioning solely due to the fact that you have a routine)

i must respond to this one thing that is bothering me immediately (you don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

I must check my phone (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head)

panicking is productive (panicking never makes a situation better, but in fact exacerbates it)

I must listen to music while doing the most minute task (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. and I like music as much as the next person but moments of sheer silence are crucial)

I must befriend everyone (some people just don’t mesh together and that is ok)

I can skip working out for the day (working out does so much for ur physical AND mental health)

If misfortune happens to me it’s because I am uniquely unlucky (misfortune has nothing to do with preordained circumstances and everything to do with random odds)

If I am mistreated it’s because I am a horrible person and I deserve it (most times people are projecting their issues onto u and it has nothing to do with u)

if I make a mistake I am uniquely horrible (we are all human and we all make mistakes. the important thing is to hold ourselves accountable and learn from them)

I must have this one thing I really want now (u don’t have to do anything, it’s all in ur head. also whatever u want will still be here tomorrow so this sense of urgency is false)

I am uniquely hated/disliked/ostracized (most people are busy w their own lives and don’t have the time to be hating on u. and if they really are then their life is pretty empty and their opinion should not be held in high regard to begin with)

Sorry to break it to you but you literally have to face your fears and slaughter them. Otherwise you will live a small life that you do not want. You literally have to view your biggest fears and attack them head on. You have to fall into the abyss to find your way out. The easy path does not exist. There is no get out of jail free card. You have to allow yourself to die a spiritual death over and over again in order to reinvent yourself into the person you are actually supposed to be. And you have to be painfully honest with yourself and the people around you. It’s horrible but it’s truly the only way.

Do you mind if I ask how exactly do you make your music sound so haunting & beautifully obscure? What app(s) do you use for editing? And how did you learn to play the instruments so well?

Thank you so much ;-; ♡ i’ve been learning music production for over 2 years now, i’m mostly self taught!

I think it all comes from within, i tend to translate exactly how im feeling into sound. It’s all in the chords and what type of sounds you’re using (texture is a major part in creating a certain atmosphere too). You just need to find the scales and chords that feel right for what you’re trying to create, it’s super easy to learn if you’re passionate about it; it almost doesn’t feel like you’re learning. And also visual inspiration or just creating your own visuals can go a super super long way in helping you create a worth within your music.

I only really play the guitar and even then it doesn’t pop up in my music a lot, i use midi keyboard’s and such but most of the time im painting in the notes manually or starting with a triad and adding notes to build my own chords. As for apps and softwares, I use Ableton Live to make all of my music; Ableton’s interface is quite confusing when you’re first starting out but like anything you get accustomed to it and it becomes muscle memory.

My advice for anyone starting out in music production is; experiment and find your own sound. Don’t pin yourself down by replicating other artists sounds, as much as you may be inspired by them you will dig yourself into a hole by trying to sound like someone else. Play around and have fun because that’s what it’s all about!!!! thank you for the compliments btw. ꈍᴗꈍ

may your crops rot and your fields wash over in darkness

when i was a lil kid i thought these were the angels my nanna always told me were watching over me

the eroticism of brutalist architecture with ethel cain