Why Are You Staring? Please Stop It.

I’m gonna make a modern remake of Sleeping Beauty where this girl in high school develops Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, has to drop out of school and is asleep all the time and the one thing that really makes her feel better is gardening so she grows giant fucking thorn bushes in her back yard, like really alarmingly large and it’s kinda freaky and she’s in some repressive suburb and the neighbors complain, so her parents hire a guy to cut down the thorn bushes. Theyre weirdly resistant though and it’s a whole situation but whenever someone tries to talk to her about what she’s feeding them she’s like “oh, Mother, forgive me I feel faint I must lie down.” The bush-removal guy tries to flirt with her but she doesn’t seem to notice. He chalks it up to her being Young and Sheltered and Innocent but really she is a lesbian and is doing witchcraft in her dreams to make the thorn bushes grow back every night where he had cut them the previous day. Eventually they take over the neighbors’ yards and creep across everyone’s walls. They get under the houses and the roots start to collapse everyone’s plumbing. Luckily our forward-thinking hero has already installed a composting toilet. Her parents have actually moved out at this point but her plants are feeding her and helping her keep track of her meds so it’s fine. At the end of the film the herbicide guy gets torn apart by thorns while the girl lies serenely on the couch with her eyes closed and a smile on her face.

7/5/19

1:00am

Yesterday/Today (because havent slept yet so technically my day hasnt ended) was...boy. Very... odd. Never thought that would happen.

Lost another lb.

Gonna just smoke some weed while I play the sim. Maybe I’ll have some low calorie soup.

If you see this

im sorry

The hope cannot be found

Mood.

I dont want to come back. Let me fade into obscurity. Let the days tick by till my memory becomes stale and the color of my eyes is questionable. Forgettable, is what I am. Pull me from this world, leave me untraceable. Lingering like smoke from a candle, wisping into the air just enough until unseen. Until I am just a burning smell floating on the air, a quickly fleeting reality.

—Poetic Suicide

7/3/19

9:20am

I feel like fuck. My head hurts. My stomach is killing me. Stress ulcers maybe?

My heart has also been acting up again, every anxiety pang gets my heart to skip and palpitate. Which unfortunately is way more often than not. 

Wondering if my iron is low, got that stupid blood disorder that ruins everything if my eating is ‘off’.

I’m also shaking a bit, my hands are just shaking lightly.

Just going to smoke some, calm my nerves, and try and rest.

It’ll pass. Time passing is inevitable, this won’t last forever. I just gotta tough it out.

Fucking tired.