Latest Posts by dissociatedbi - Page 2

Jesus Christ this fucking disorder. I've had someone screaming and crying inside my fucking head all day and it's taking everything in me to not let them front and I just wanna lay down inside like ten blankets and not have to be real

My stepfather was acquitted fifteen years ago today. I'm really not handling it well. My brain feels all over the place and I keep having episodes of dissociative amnesia.

I hate how abusive parents love to imply that you know nothing about the 'real world', as if they're sheltering you and protecting you from the big evil out there, so you're 'naive and innocent' and don't know how bad it is outside, but what they're really 'sheltering' you from are survival skills and vital knowledge of how to function in the world! They sure are not sheltering you from evil! They're not sheltering you from abuse! They're not sheltering you from cruelty and violence and apathy in the face of suffering! They're not sheltering you from how it feels to be unprotected and isolated in an environment in dangerous individuals! You have all possible experiences of that! You have intimate and extended knowledge of that! You even know how to survive living with them! But self care and taxes, that is the gatekept information. God forbid you know how to live independently.

Nothing justifies abuse, and you are allowed to hate whoever abused you, regardless of who they are or what factors were involved in their own life.

I remember my mother constantly threatening me with stories of horrible foster homes, always obsessed with making sure I believed anything would be worse than the abuse currently happening at home. She threatened to drop me off at the fire hall, or that if I called CPS myself, that's what would happen.

Here’s a reminder that if your parents/guardians were ones that threatened to “send you away” anytime you acted out or didn’t live up to their expectations, this was wrong and you deserved so much better. I know my parents used to threaten to send me to a school away from them because my grades suffered. It felt awful.

If you have trauma because of it, your trauma is valid. This sort of emotionally abusive tactic from parents/guardians can make a child feel that their love is conditional and can also make a child feel they can and deserve to be discarded if they do something wrong. I want you to know that you should never have been made to feel that way and that it’s okay to make mistakes. You deserved so much better than this.

This is going to be a hot take to some, but I think people with CDDs should step back from using online platforms and avoid them if they're too sensitive to getting influenced by them. Especially if they're a newly discovered DID person.

Like genuinely... My experience with DID (symptoms wise) was funnily enough better before I discovered I had it because yeah, I had really bad barriers, but I wasn't constantly encouraged into amplifying them?

With that I mean that I often see public platforms encouraging and promoting splitting alters? Which for me it just resulted in having me and my own alters even more confused about everything?

Genuinely, I still struggle with this shit it's so annoying, because my first instinct is to separate myself more and more instead of at least lowering the dissociative barriers. And seeing public spaces completely encouraging it and in general encouraging stuff like "sourcemates only chat" is just- idk... I don't think that's how you treat dissociative barriers? Feeding into introjects believing they ARE that character/person is the same thing as just believing that character from that universe was taken out of it and put in your head which is completely nonsensical for DID. It can certainly FEEL that way but it is not-

stress split our brains

Somewhere, in a dump probably, is twenty year old tape with my skin cells and hair and blood on it, and it fucking drives me crazy that as a teenager, I was convinced there was no proof.

In that mood where I scour social media and the general internet in hopes my stepfather is finally dead 🫠🙃

He never is. Fucker.

Dear Undecided and Both Sides are Evil voters.

be normal about people who wear diapers. be normal about people who need colostomy/catheter bags. be normal about people who need to wear pads or pad their mattress. be normal about incontinence. it’s not funny or weird or gross, it can happen to anyone of any age, and it’s frankly embarrassing that some of y’all can’t be normal about the aspects of disability that ick you out

I know it’s hard but try to resist the urge to say “it’s okay” or “I’m okay” when it’s not true to those you’d like support from.

Try saying things like:

“I’m not okay. I could use some support right now.”

“I’m not okay. Unfortunately, you can’t fix this for me. But I could use the company of a friend.”

“I’m not okay. But I’m not up to talking about it right now. Can we do something else to distract me?”

Often, your loved ones want to help you but they don’t know how.

It’s okay to say you’re not okay. And it’s okay to ask for help.

Y'all I went to an Al Anon meeting for the first time tonight, since my therapist has been mentioning it for like 6 months, and it actually wasn't as awful as I expected

me, being born to parents incapable of love: ah but this just means I will do the impossible! I will be a perfect child! I will do so good and try so hard they'll see it and then decide to love me! This can happen!

me, sometime later, with cptsd: and perhaps,,, I will not do the impossible,,, also help--

nothing has made me feel like an ancient grumpy crone more than the “using chatgpt for school is fine actually” sentiment among youths

“do you really wanna be on medication for the rest of your life” if you knew me unmedicated you’d want me to be on medication for the rest of my life too

Recently I keep thinking about how I wasn't allowed to clean myself properly as a child. My mother was obsessed with ridiculing me for my general hygiene making her look bad, but didn't allow me to condition my hair or moisturize my face or use soap on certain areas of my body. Like why? If you're so obsessed with how I look, why are you trying to make me look bad?

This too shall pass but like holy fuck

Hey, able-bodied folks, if a disabled person is complaining about something being unfair/inaccessible because of our disabilities, you know you don't have to explain to us why that unfairness/inaccessibility a thing, right? Chances are we know it is the way it is. It's still unfair and we still want to talk about it.

I saw a video by an amputee warning other disabled people not to go to Thorpe Park in England, as they paid full price to enter, but were only allowed on 3 rides due to their amputation. This is something I also experienced when I went to the Gold Coast (mostly at Movie World, Wet n' Wild and, to a lesser extent, Dreamworld) and at Lunar Park in Sydney. There were also several others in the comments talking about similar experiences elsewhere.

But among these comments were dozens of people saying, "it's for health and safety reasons! The ride won't be able to hold you in!" And like... yeah, we know why. It doesn't make it any less unfair that we pay the same as you for a fraction of the experience. It doesn't make it feel any less shitty when you scrimp and save to do something like go to a theme park only to have to sit on the side line and watch your friends/family have fun without you. It doesn't make it any less scummy that there's very little warning that this will be the case (most of the time) until you arrive. It doesn't make it any less frustrating that so many recreational and fun activities don't even consider the possibility that disabled people would want to join in.

It's not just this video. It happens a lot. Any time someone complains about inaccessibility, there's always someone there trying to explain why the inaccessibility is there.

A resteraunt or shop isn't accessible? "Have you considered the person just didn't know/didn't have the money to fix it/were renting and weren't allowed to fix it?"

You called to see if some place was accessible, were told it was but when you arrive, it's not? "Have you considered the person didnt actually know/ thought it was and just made a mistake?"

You complain that a device/item/furniture item you bought isn't usable because of your disability despite there being no indication this would be the case before you bought it/no way to further verify it before hand? "Have you considered that disabled people make up such a small minority of their buyers they just didn't realise?"

Yeah, we know. Every single one. We considered it. a lot more than you did, i promise. We know why. We know sometimes mistakes happen, people don't think to consider us, there could be health and safety reasons for the lack of access, that people just don't know, and that it's not usually maliciousness or intentional ableism. I promise, we know all of it. We still need to talk about it though, so things can get better.

"i would kill for you" "i would die for you" okay but would you forgive me if i forgot something important for the 51204th time in a row even though i tried my best to remember

I have this advance reader copy of a book I'm reviewing and the writing is awesome in general, the story is great, but They Be Fucking™ every damn chapter. the sex they're having is mid at best (and dv/sa at worst). I am le tired. Signed up for romantasy and got served borderline erotica instead. 🫠

it's interesting. I see the youth worry about getting old to the point where they think 30 is old, 35 is old, 40 is old, while to me, getting older is a luxury I never thought I would have. older means I'm still here. older means I made it through things I didn't think I would. older means I have more chances. I rather like older, thank you very much.

just gonna leave this here

in recognition of World Down Syndrome Day on March 21