Latest Posts by frencrow13 - Page 2
Paul Simonon destroying his Fender bass guitar at Palladium in New York City, ca. 20 September 1979
I just saw a dad and his son drift through grass on their electric scooters. That was dope as hell
Imagine
Someone blacked out their whole chest, except for their extremely pink and sensitive nipples
Tiles! I want to have a kitchen wall full with different designs
I would aesthetically scrapbook in my small light room
Victorian Silver-mounted 'the Bircham Dagger Scissors' Thomas Johnson London (1874)
through the storm we reach the shore.
Illustration by Chris Price for Biba
Guy Bourdin - Louise Despointes Wearing a Dress by Jean Patou (Vogue Paris 1973)
I feel like I'm losing my spark a little bit. I'm not as happy, fun, or exciting as I used to be, or as life used to be. I'm slowly getting it back, but I'm not sure. I'm mostly around people who are older than me, who aren't as weird as I am. I think I'm just overly masking, and it's taking a bad toll on me. I care too much about what people think, rather than what just makes me happy.
I'm not around people who encourage my real side to come out anymore. Ever since last year happened, I've changed so much. I've shut myself off from the world. I know recognition is the first step to change, but I wish it would happen faster...
A little over a year ago, December 27th, I met someone that changed me. We met on a dating app, and it just went downhill from there. Me being the person I am, I ignored the red flags because he was cute. He mentioned he'd be going to prison and wouldn't tell me why. I ignored it.
By February, I was trapped. I didn't realize it. I was pregnant. I knew that next morning. Sure enough, the test came back positive. I balled in my car. I aborted it and he guilted me. I would never have a baby with him. Ever.
He did and said things to me that will always linger. I didn't feel safe anymore, but I couldn't leave. He threatened me and my family. He knew where I lived and worked. I couldn't hide. He was taken March 24th. I couldn't escape, even when he was behind bars. My heart would drop whenever my phone rang. I cried after every call. I couldn't escape.
A part of me thought he wasn't really in prison. That he was just watching and testing me. That he was waiting outside my home or work, just watching me. I would sleep with my light on and cry into my pillow. I constantly checked the inmate roster and answered the phone calls. It helped put me at ease, seeing legal documentation of his imprisonment.
I lost people I considered my best friends because I was in danger and being controlled by him. My family helped me gain the courage to ignore his calls. I thought he would get the hint... but he called from June - October. On and off. I finally blocked him. I got a protection order on Halloween, and it was approved November 7th. I was finally free.
But he's always here. I dream about him. He's either really sweet and loving, or really scary and violent. I spiraled again today and did a record search of him, checked the roster, and reread the protection order. I stalked his family on social media. I couldn't see straight anymore and sunk into my bed. I couldn't breathe and every horrible thing started coming back. I felt everything again.
My little sister knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to hang out. She saved me and doesn't even know it.
I'm safe. I have loving people in my life. I lost people, but now I know who'll stay by my side, no matter how hard it gets. I know who to avoid and what to look out for. I'm stronger now and I'm proud of my past self for staying alive through all of it. She was so brave, even though she was always in pain and terrified.
I'm sorry I changed, but not really. I'm better now from it. I'll miss how open and happy I was, but I'm slowly coming back to my authentic self. I'm slowly healing and getting better.
Whimsical heels
velvet, flowers and lace. what could be better?
Head over heels for whimsical heels
This is how you move on
🎏
[process post on patreon]
Remember this guy?? Yeah... I wish I didn't. He's texting me and telling me how he messed up and how much he misses me. Literally, "I realize what I lost. You're so beautiful like a sunflower and I'm like a weed growing through the concrete." Exactly... That's why I found someone I can share the soil with, rather than someone who'll steal the nutrients from it. HE KNOWS I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. He unsent that shit at like 4 AM.
He texted me again the other week trying to come up with reasons as to why we never got together. Like "because you're a gemini and I always have bad luck with them." Yah it's totally not because you treated me like shit, lead me on, or ignored me?? He's blaming it on me... Not interested ✋️
ALSO I JUST TURNEF 18 AND HE WAS 27??? ew
Anyway that's my rant for now. I'm going to cat sit and drink champagne while listening to angry music
My boss told me to "do my job right" even I literally do??? There are things I can't control and that's what he's mad at. He can't and doesn't even cook his own food 🙄 he's no help on the floor and is always in the way. Like let us do our jobs. And there's things night crew is complaining about but I can play their childish games too 😒
revealing smoke
my piece from a while ago for the 13 Days Advent, a halloween-themed advent calendar