Growing Up Is Actually All About Realizing People Don’t Inherently Dislike You And It’s A Bit Odd

wizard kiss

you can make gay people who wouldnt follow you otherwise follow you if you post about topping

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

struck with a shitpost idea

Memory foam? Nah son, my mattress is made out of memory loam. The rich, soft earth that never forgets who has once tread upon it.

I mean yeah I sleep face-down in the dirt. Why do you care.

a good way to inspire yourself to do more is to see yourself as the wacky sitcom B plot character in your friends lives, "wouldnt it be funny to tell the friends in my phone about it." has gotten me to do anything from going to a festival (excelent) to wild camping (it went badly) (coastguard called) to trying to get the train to stonehenge (stonehenge costs money so i ended up just getting lunch in sailsbury, it was okay.) i bought a bicycle today and 20% of my reasoning was "itd be funny to surprise my roommate by coming home with a whole bike." . life is for living. and baby i live for the bit.

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

One of my biggest pet peeves is that somehow I seem to be the only person in the world who means it when I say I'm down for whatever. Like just name whatever you want, I swear on my soul my comfort zone is bigger than yours. I'm fine with sitting at home drinking tea and playing board games, going out and ending up snorting lines off a park bench with 14 strangers at 3 AM, going to national theatre to see their production of La Traviata, sitting outside a grocery store watching pigeons fight over french fries, I'm 100% down. Just tell me how to dress for the occasion and I'll be there.

And then people are like "nooooo I don't wanna take charge just you decide uwu" and that's essentially a code for "I don't want to tell you what I am capable and willing to do, I want you to guess what I want to do, and I'm not giving you a clue because I don't know either", and then they insist that they're not, they're down for anything too, and it's like bitch we both know that one of us is lying and that person isn't me.

I'm down for anything except ice fishing, cat-calling and sports events. I might make an exception for some sport that seems fun and interesting, but I'm not sitting through an entire hockey game. Like those are my limits, just fucking pick something.

I still think it’s objectively fucked how the world is built for morning people and if you wake up later than everyone else you’re seen as a malicious aberration of some sort. I am that but it’s not because I wake up at 11 fuck yourself