I Can’t Be The Only Person That Has Never Actually Been In A Relationship But Feels They Can Really

Hamlet, illustrated by John Austen (1922)

If you heard of writer’s block, get ready for reader’s block. You want to read. You have time. You know what to read; how have a pile of books ready to be read. You cannot sit still and focus enough to do so or you can’t even open the book.

people who put spoiler warnings for historical essays on book reviews websites. thank you

Reblog this if you’re pro-receiving a brown paper package containing one (1) handwritten love letter, a small jar of strawberry jam from the farmers market, and a smattering of pressed flowers.

hey check THIS shit out: *treats you with mutual respect*

rami just ran by in front of my car lmfao

Joan of Arc

nothing is better than finding a walking stick

“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.

A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.

I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,

“I am the manager.”

Hamlet: I’m giving up personhood to become a full-time abstract concept.