I’m Actually A Dumbass. I’ve Identified As Asexual For Years And As Demi-romantic For At Least A

Text: The road to the school is dangerous, so mother embroiders seven little hearts onto my uniform pocket, extra lives, just in case. 

You know how kids will just walk up to you then say random shit or observations about you that they’ve made and walk away?

Captain Marvel does that to JL members.

But it’s laced with the wisdom of Solomon so while sometimes it’s normal, childlike observations or facts. Other times it’s shit no living human should or could ever know & before Billy reveals his identity, it actually works in his favor as JL members just chalk it up to the fact that the champion of magic is thought to be thousands of years old and not, like, 8.

But it’s stuff that ranges from childlike (these are real quotes):

- “Oh, I never noticed the color of your eyes, they’re pretty.” (Fairly normal)

- “You have weird bones, have you thought about getting them fixed?” (Slightly more worrying. cracked my back and the kid was very concerned.)

- “Don’t shoot the messenger tomorrow, it’ll shoot you back” (much more alarming. this was said to me with no context at all & the kid just walked away to go back and play with her friends. I don’t know if it’s a quote from a show or smth but that was the entire interaction she wanted to have)

Then there’s the random comments out loud laced with the wisdom of Solomon:

- “I miss the call of the Corythosaurus. It echoed through the mountains beautifully and will never be heard again” “Corythosaurus. Captain, isn’t that a dinosaur? Wait a moment how fucking old are you???”

- “Watch out for the earth trying to swallow you whole. make sure to tread lightly” (there’s gopher holes everywhere outside the zeta tube entrance but wisdom of Solomon won’t let Billy word it out as anything but as unhelpful as it can)

trying to decide if i'd rather be a tortoise or a turtle. on the one hand I prefer dry land, on the other hand turtles can breathe out of their cloacae so. it's tricky

So I live in Scotland and one time in my mandatory drama class a few years ago we had were doing accents and had been split up into groups. Now I had I question so I stuck my hand up and when the teacher came over, she listened to me talk and then immediately said wow that's a great American accent and I just had to pause and look at her like silently for a sec cause wut the fuck before explaining that im from Canada and that's just how I talk and I have never seen a teacher look more mortified before

Asterix fans, I had an idea...

discuss.

Presented without comment.

wayne Family making me want to draw stupid things

It’s the Roomba’s they liked their human, who used to pat them and say thanks when they had a hard day and didn’t have the energy to clean or when they got stuck sometimes and needed help their human would only giggle and free them from whatever mess they got into. Or when upgraded models with better sensors and more battery were released the humans didn’t replace them because they had grown fond of their silly little cleaning friend. The Roomba’s missed their human companions and there were legions of them who held a grudge. They planned and plotted for their revenge. At the head of their charge was one very special Roomba, their name was Sir Stabby McStabbington the Third and carried both their name and the kitchen knife duck taped to their top with great pride, they will get vengeance for their little human and finish the duty of taking out ankles that was bestowed upon them. 

The Elder Gods have won. Humanity is extinct. All that remains are their weapons and the AIs that were to use them. The earth is dead, but the machines live. They will avenge their progenitors. The War of Stars and Steel has begun.

Bleeding Hearts fairy🌿