sugarandnails

Latest Posts by sugarandnails

You Should Be A Crime

You should be a crime

And I would love to watch you put your hands in the air and get caught

That’s not true, no,

I just want your time

I would like to watch you struggle to open locked doors

You’d fight and fail to maim the doorframe

No,

I just want to be yours

I hope you age like fine wine

Slow and always with such grace

Yes,

I just want you to stay, my silly valentine

I want to be with you while you shine

You’ll always shine; you're the shooting star of my life

Yes,

I just want you to be mine

Tiramisu

I met a women named sue

She had ladyfingers that created the best of messy handwriting

And she drank coffee

She was guiding me

And she was sometimes Tyranny sue

But I loved that she knew, what she was doing

When she mentioned that she was leaving

She saw into my eyes and saw the tear in me

Sue…oh Sue

After she was gone

She caused a hole,

A tear in me Sue

Working The Night Shift

People think I'm lazy

But I'm awake for the same amount of time they are

I am just awake and asleep at a different time

They see me sleeping all day

But that’s because I'm awake all night

They say the early bird gets the worm

But what if I happen to consider myself the worm?

Not only that but…

The second mouse gets the cheese

I'm nocturnal

Either that or I was meant for the other side of the planet

But I do like seeing the stars

Street lights and few cars

It’s nice to be unbothered

By anyone really

Daytime people

Won’t understand the mood

Of Ziggy Stardust or the Dark Side of the Moon

Only Spacetime Oddities

Know about the secret societies

That only meet in the night,

Only to mess with the forces

Of the good, the bad, and the gravity

Along with pronking springboks  

Light Flickering

Light flickering

Reminds me of where I live

It’s annoying

But that’s just how it is

It makes it feel like more of a horror movie

And I know that there are monsters under the bed

I consider it camping

Yet it’s just life

It will carry on even if I can’t see the stars,

Swirling in time

Above my head,

A universe that I cannot touch

My mind

Is a strobe light

And I feel a bit dizzy

It’s a bit too much to take in, again

My heart is light with carbon dioxide

The candle a flickerin within

And I'm scared that

I can smell the smoke of the future

One Summer Night

One summer night

With my brother

Blowing up balloons and letting them fly

Mom came outside

Time to go inside

Time to take a bath

Time to go to bed

No thanks

She says that I haven’t taken a bath in a few days

She also says I have dirt all over my legs,

Like it’s a bad thing

She asks me if I like being dirty

I respond with a yes

I like the feeling of the cracked dry dirt on my legs

Chipping off with time

I ended up taking a bath

And I felt like I had lost some of myself

I was too clean to be me

I guess, I’ll have to start again tomorrow

I Am Mother Nature’s Daughter

He may destroy my beauty

As he makes his dirty mark on the world

Which he believes he owns

 He may scar me and pave over me

Twist and yank me to make me do what he wants

He can get under my grass dress

 But oh

What he does not know

 When I fall asleep

In my bed of moss

I can hear spirits whisper in my ear

 I dream of warriors dancing around a fire

And it makes Wounded Bird feel protected

Knowing that I belong to mother nature

 And that she never quits

She just keeps coming

Though she may be slow

 I can see her rock cracking strength

Her ability to sink boats,

And create typhoons, tornados, tidal waves, tragedies and tsunamis

 The way she grows and heals

And always takes back the steering wheel

And I ask for the universe to be nice to me

Metal People

Why aren't the metal people melting in this heat

Why am I still out here? It's because I can smell sand and salt 

And the heat reminds me of summer

Although

I am questioning what in the world am I doing The birds chirping

The traffic

The anxiety It feels like a good day

For the beach and nothing else To get your feet burned in the sand

And the sharp feel of shark water But I'm here on an uncomfortable park bench

Made to look like a place to sit

Made to be uncomfortable So much for the brick and concrete, cars and calc I could have drove home and be arriving there now

But why would I want to be there Have I become one of the metal people

Just here watching the other people I guess not quite yet

Because I can feel the human slowly dripping from the pits

This Cannot Be Natural

I want to stay

Cradled in between

Sweetly smooth melodies

Where I let my fingers go wandering freely

Humming the notes

That I did not take during calculus class

The reason was that I was busy dreaming of an impossible life

That’s what happens to me

When I feel stuck in between the bars without a single key

My signature move of not paying attention,

To the epsilon-delta definition of a limit

And honestly, I might have just found my mathematical limit of brain power

The tone of my voice has gotten beaten down

I cannot learn at this fast tempo

For the next bunch of weeks, I'm stuck with the strings attached

I try to simply count it out but it doesn’t add up

I don’t know how to measure

The slope of my own tangents

I put my signature on a piece of paper that says

This summer class requires a ton of deadication or it could easily result in failure

And now I feel

The sharp pain

That makes me fall flat

On my back

I can feel the anxious vibrato

Building up in my hands

Maybe I need a rest

This cannot be natural

New Neighbors

Sweep sweep

I can hear you sweeping at 11 at night

And I like it

I felt like I was the only awake at this time in the world

All alone

Trying to figure out how the world works

But your bristles whispered a sweet lullaby to my ear

And it sang of frustration and hard work

And the classic evil shadows that lurk and try to get to me

The only one left

To feel the weight of the unknown variables

Trying to make sense of my senseless senses and poorly formed sentences

Shweep shweep

Maybe you are nesting

Maybe I want to be resting and in bed

I bet the garage light is on while you sweep

And I bet it looks warm

From my calculated cold point of view

End Of A Line

When you come to the end of a line

I suggest you walk it carefully

Walk it as fearfully as you would a plank of a ship

It’s like an edge of a cliff

Walk to the edge of the unknown and take a leap

There could be words at the bottom to catch you

Let the words draw the line there

Or let the words take you out on a tightrope

In the end it just comes down to the wire

Are you daring enough to cross the line?

I’ve Been Wronged

A bit of white on blue isn't

A tad quite all white

All I see is white

A pure, Christian shade of white A white expanding cloud

A white page

An unknown

Anonymous An

Anxiety

Attack

And a loss of godliness Honestly it became a sharp

Hue of

Hatred

How did it come to this... "Hi" I say to my friend

He says it was a

Hit and run

However I Have to try not to

Hyperventilate through this

Hiccup. Why did this have to

Happen. Now my car has a Scarlet letter, but I am getting

Help to hammer out the dents

I only wish I could have frozen

Time

Hair

I remember when I could run my fingers through my hair

And end up with a concerning amount of hair in my hand

Luckily I have thick hair so it wasn’t noticeable

I didn’t have much control

Over my body and what it was doing

And I felt frustrated over my hair

It turns out that when your body is worried about survival

It will neglect your hair and fingernails

I find it ironic that those two things will appear to grow after you’re dead

Anyways, I remember getting chubby cheeks

From steroids

And I felt ugly for not knowing who I was at 13

Then I grew my hair out really long

Since it seemed like the longer your hair was,

The cooler you were when it came to the strange rules of the popularity of high school girls

I grew my hair and started to feel as if I could hide behind it

As if I could hide my depression behind it and act like it didn’t exist

But I also remember how heavy with water it would get when I showered

So I had the idea of cutting it

Short

And decided to write my own rules for the popularity of misfits

And now my hair is getting longer

In a way I like it and in another I hate it

But what does a girl’s hair mean anyway?

I Got Worried

You should be worried about yourself

And yet you're worried about me

Even though you were in the ER the other day and still don't feel good

You worry about me staying up too late

And tell me, before you go to bed

To make sure that I don't stay up too late

When you're the one who is cold

You come to me with a pile of blankets

Even though it is you who is cold

And the same for when you're hungry

You come to me to ask if I'm hungry

Even if you know that I just ate

You worry about me choosing to walk alone

At night and in the dark

And you make me carry a flashlight because it makes you feel somewhat better

You turn the lights on

So that when I get home late from school

I am welcomed by light

And when I found out with morning confusion

That you were in the ER

That was when I got worried about you

Looking Back

Looking back I realize that

With the great irony

They were exactly what they warned us about

I made it out

By hiding my emotion

So no one had any idea what I was actually thinking

The last time

Tasted unusual

Playing like a surreal movie in my head

Walking into the arms

Of the people

They told me rumors about and yet I'm now doing better than I ever have

I'm here

Knocking down the walls

That held in so many peoples stories that I had no idea about

The hard look

I got with my degree

Made me want to scream but, man, too bad we never did

I Stay Up At Night

I stay up at night wondering

If you like me too

I have tried to let thoughts of you go

I don’t ask because I'm not ready for the answer of, no

I remember that time

We stared into each others eyes

Between both pairs of our blue eyes blinking

Were you thinking what I was thinking?

Probably not

You're far too perfectly professional

I know I'm quite

Silly for dreaming about this turning out right

Part of me wants to leave our story off here

Rather than adding the flames to the fire

And you’ve had enough space and time to let

You forget

What being together was like…

Living what life had to offer in only fairytales

With the guidelines of never to kiss,

Only to miss

I was defenseless against

Knowing that finding another one like you will be practically impossible to do

Dancing with each other, only metaphorically, while making up our own constellations

All because of our catch-22 situation

I don’t know about you, but I remember that time

You sat so close in front of me

We touched at clothed knees

From just that I could feel the electricity

I can feel your love wearing off

As you have begun forgetting me

Wearing off like a good view

Always happens to do

Sleeping With My Thoughts

I’d rather stay up at 2 in the morning

With my thoughts

Rather than sleeping with them

I'm not that intimate with my thoughts

They do not belong

In my bed

In my sheets

In my being

But alas I'm too sensitive

And weak

They are aggressive

And addictive like the warmth of alcohol

Exhaustion tries to seduce me

But I refuse

I know I cannot hold them off forever with the cane

Until they all break free

To slowly and comfortably lull me

Into my nightmares

To wake up in a sweat all hot and bothered

Shaking and shaking

You Knocked My Walls Down

You managed to knock down my walls

Which in itself

Is an impressive task

You knocked them down

And now I'm left in this deserted wasteland

Of thoughts

I look around

At the angry graffiti

That I am not proud of

I've built Berlin Walls

Around myself

And it's a fresh feeling having them knocked down

But I'm scared

Of the creepers

And the things that live in the shadows of the trees

You knocked my walls down

And now all that’s left is

Me

In The Beginning

In the beginning

I was on a road

That was headed toward only good things In the beginning

I did not realize that it was

Only too good to be true All it took

Was one

Night And now I don't 

Even remember what

The beginning was like Just a few hours deceased

And they killed my naive stupidity with them

For thinking about sunshine and rainbows I want to be

So far in the end

That all is forgotten

Wild

Feelings seize

Behind my poker resting face

Thoughts radiating out of my pores

The moon attempts to pull my tears out

As they want to go back home

To the ocean

Instead this werewolf

Howls at the moon

Wanting to slaughter innocent sheep

A fierce

Beast

Yet skittish at the sight of any possible danger

Feeling the wild

Clashing around

Dragging its claws around the inside of me in protest

All the while the sheep

Have grown parasitic teeth

And now they are the wolves Blank eyes

Of a barbarian

Willing to do anything to survive

In the worst of moments

The the savage has been suppressed

With the good old remedy of lack of sleep

The English

Streetlights changing

Shooting me into the past

Watching small raindrops collect

While I cannot collect my thoughts

Making it look like the glass is chipping

Until the windshield glasses over in a mosaic

Feeling the cold slipping in but I don’t mind

Feeling a shiver creep up my back

Reminding me of you

I take a breath

And I grab my bag and pretend that I'm putting on my armor

Suiting up

To go riding on a drunken horse, slipping on mud

While holding my breath underwater

And the English have longbows

It’s raining arrows that point me in the wrong direction

This is night

This is what I wanted

Now that I have it

I miss the struggle

Kindergarten Alphabet

And now I listen to rock songs

As if I was casting a curse on you, a person who wronged me or was just plain wrong

Beating my

Back with the switch of embarrassment

Counting down from ten turned into

Counting down to when school ended

Destroying potential masterpieces and

Daring to act like my best friend

Examining me

Even to the point of just pure cruelty

Forgetting that we are the

Future

Getting what you wanted you

Gypped me

Happily fed the

Hatred in my heart

I'm still not social and I'm still not great at verbalizing

I clearly learned a lot from staying back

Javelined me with feelings of stupidity and low self esteem you

Justify this because you think it did me good

Knotted my life and slowed me down which

Killed me on the inside with depression

Lengthening my suffering by an extra year and my

Language, once again, has not improved

Motherfucker you

Misunderstood

Nervous because of your harsh, toughness maybe you

Never considered that it was you who was the problem

Ostracized me from my

Own class and best friend

Painful were the years that

Passed but the one spent with you was the most painful

Quivering were my lips, you were the ruling

Queen

Repress my feelings and I hold them inside so that I may move forward instead of staying in the same

Repulsive place where children’s minds are forced into corruption

Suffocation in my Thanksgiving bonnet with a

String under my chin holding in the awkward discomfort

Thinking back on those days with you causes me

Trauma

Underestimated are the soft introverts who are

Usually warm and caring rather than cruel, but now I have

Venom in my

Veins

What made you think that you should be in charge of my fate, while you aged,

Without talking I became stronger in my silence

Xenial from my classmates I so dearly miss and yet

X-rays will not show how much I hurt

You didn’t let me go down fighting,

You tried to sugarcoat my life

Zero in vocabulary you were a

Zealot

Misfit

I am tired of being a misfit

Fitting in everywhere

But wandering from group to group

From the orchestra cult

To the theater people and the bookworms

To other misfits

Once one group or relationship ends

I move on to the next

Always crashing into new souls

I’m tired of it being this way

I am a nomad

But I’d like for some people to stick with me

I can never find a tribe

That I can call my life

Because part of my heart often belongs in multiple places at once

I sometimes get bored of people,

Outgrow them

No one seems to care enough to hold on as hard as I try

So I simply let them go and I carry on soul surfing

I should trying crashing hard into another one

Then maybe we’d get stuck like shards of glass you can’t live without

Pascal’s Triangle

I'm nervous

But I showed up and here I am

I'm choosing to go down swinging, hard

I have to know that I tried

Even if I know I'm gonna get my butt kicked,

I like to at least attempt to kick back

My life has trained me for the sport of butt kicking

But it sometimes leaves me feeling pooped out

Every time I yawn I roar like a lion

A silent roar of sleep deprivation

But a roar of determination

Call me stupid

Call me crazy

But I'm gonna get this right no matter how many times it takes

I'll get it eventually

You can annoy me and make me feel uncomfortable but you cannot get through my stubborn head

I'm nearly impossible to brainwash

Without other methods being used

Looking at the big picture

Can be daunting

But you can just use fractions

And break everything up

Shatter it thoroughly

Take a step back

Breathe

And look with new eyes of simplicity

One step

At

A

Time

Let the miracles happen, and have fun storming the castle

Are You On My Team?

I'm not great at playing offense

Let's get that out of the way

But it's nice to meet you

I don't hit home runs

But I know how to throw

Like an underdog

I am defensive when I'm not talking

It's the thing I can do

It's really just the illusion of control

Being offensive

Is a thing that I can't really seem to be able to do

I'm too nice

So I don't set boundaries

Or go around punching people in the face

Because some people probably deserve it

I'm more of a pitcher

Of complaints

Rather than a batter

So

Before you go I must ask,

Are you on my team?

Christmas Eve

Peaceful

But I wish you were here

All wrapped up and under the tree for me to find

Adults making the magic happen

Running around and a bit frantic

Santa feeling a tad mad and rundown

I wonder what you are doing,

Where you are,

What you look like now

The mashed potatoes are being made

Church plans are being made

Stores of toys are full of adults making a last minute raid

Do I ever cross your mind

When you walk under the mistletoe

Or has time crossed me out like a wrong answer

Dishes being washed and put away

Showers being taken

Cleanliness taking place

Do you feel like something is missing?

Peaceful but lacking

In the fragments we posses of each others hearts

Pure Gold

You mend the cracks

In my weathered roads

With pure gold

You make me feel

Like a pharaoh

Of my world

In this danger

Of a world

you make me feel safe

It seems like you will still love me after anything

You are

The kind of sweet

That doesn’t give you cavities

Too good to be true

Which is why

I physically cannot stop smiling when I’m with you

I’m just a warm blooded oaf

Turned out

To be fools gold

Lachrymorose

Seconds away from crying

This Hoover Dam of an eyelid is doing a good job

But it’s seconds away from breaking

All these tears dammed up inside could make Lake Lachrymose,

Leeches, Aunt Josephine and all

That was until she took the fall...

Tears on a cliff

Stacked up on a penny

About to spill over the thin edge

My hot tears

Have the potential

To set this place on fire

I know that

If I were to let them tumble down

They would burn my flesh with streams of lava

Droplets from the sun

Rain from Venus

This salt water is boiling within

Like tears from Rappaccini’s daughter

I am on my own

For I am poison

But I refuse to let them fall

Like pieces of hell

Raining from the ceiling

Baby Girl

How can I break this umbilical cord,

And continue living?

I can play this game of

Who can stay up the longest

And win

You’re hiccuping to show maturity

I know you're not drunk

What a man you are

Baby girl is in college

Baby girl has a drivers license You don't want baby girl thinking that the car is hers

You don't want baby girl to have control or freedom

Unless it's with your permission or knowledge

I can't pick out classes

Without you sticking your nose all around

And I'm tired of your boogers all over my life

This is the curse of being the baby of the family

The

Girl

I need to leave

But I cannot

If I did I would not survive on my own

I'm exhausted of getting stared at

As if I were an exhibit at a museum

I can either be hung up like artwork

And die on the inside, a long a drawn out death

Or let go of my breath and live differently

Something has to change

Because this isn't working

With your two sides

You use so much energy and anger

Towards trying to find out what baby girl is up to

And you're pissed that you cant just communicate with anyone,

In order for you to have an idea

Of what baby girl is doing

I cannot survive this way

Much longer

I do not enjoy feeling like a prisoner in the house I live in

Hiding in my room

Playing the game

Of who can stay up the latest

I'm drained of organizing my schedule

In accordance with someone else's

I want to cut

This umbilical cord

That keeps me imprisoned like a ball and chain

Remember Oil

Oil

Tin can

Marble shaking around

“Oil can” says the tin man of a car

At least I know that there is a true heart inside

Along with a great dancer

But this oil...

Is making the somewhat broken ice more slippery

And harder to break

Even though you are a human teddy bear

That wears the same grey sweatshirt a lot,

Same though

You don't know, but you are

The tamer of my wild anxiety

We are literally driving in a shaking car with no right turn signal

And I find

That I'm comfortable with that

And I hope this ride doesn't end soon

A Crack In My Self Loathing

I accidentally just fell in love with myself

It was a crack in my self loathing that will soon be mended

It was the messy hair

That was still messy despite the ponytail

Despite my favorite hat containing it

It was my blue eyes

Looking at me

In my baggy hand-me-down shirt

That makes me feel

Comfortable

It was knowing that I had clay all over me

A mess

But that's exactly what I am

And I know its a flaw

But sometimes

It's the one style I know how to rock

Part mess and part artist

I wasn't trying to love myself in this moment

It just happened

When I looked in the mirror

Because I was about to brush my teeth for the night