Charlotte Eriksson

Guys help I am making myself sad just to feel something I need to stop !! I am in a toxic relationship with my past self

I fled all of the way across the sea

But there is never an escape for me

I live in paradise, no grades, no stress

Yet here I am again, always regress

When all the monsters are inside your head

An angsty teen still anxious in her bed

But I am 20, not 13, and still

I’m still trapped and depressed, please God, when will

My mental anguish end, is there no hope

Or joy for me I can sustain? Just cope

And love the Lord and lose my mind

Searching in vain for that which I can’t find

Sick to my stomach, missing all I had

Though knowing this is better, I feel bad,

No, dreadful, selfish, worthless, stupid, fake

Embarrassed, paralyzed by each mistake

I couldn’t ask for more, it’s not enough

There’s no place on this earth that’s up to snuff

I am a traveler, stranger in this land

Not Italy, but earth itself, I stand

In fear of God, oh Jesus come, your hand

Be in my life, and may this life be grand

A stupid ending to a stupid poem

My old self-loathing just wants to go home

Feeling so emo over this quote rn bc I made it! I’ve been waiting for this day since I first read this six years ago and to be finally honestly able to say that I have reached a place where I believe it to be true, not just in general but about me, where it truly resonates, is incredible in the literal most literal sense. I don’t believe it but man I sure am glad I stuck it out.

There is so much love and joy in my life right now!!! And it all comes with an expiration date!!! How can I brave this season knowing it will be gone in the blink of an eye? How can I be brave enough to give away my heart knowing I will all too soon pack my bags and have to leave it behind? To love is to lose and lose and lose, and there is no other version of this story, and this joy is a mountain top I am about to fall off of. Someone catch me, please.

Hi Pals, I’ve been observing Tumblr for years and I never really had a presence on here, but I’m 19 and having an identity crisis and this seems like a pretty excellent place to do it. I’m treating this blog like a diary, and I have no idea how often I’ll post or how active I’ll be, and I’m still trying to figure how to actually use this app, so wish me luck! Might share some poems, might do some web weaving, might fandom blog, might have a mental crisis, I don’t even know! Brave new world! Hope to make some friends maybe too so ask me anything I am starved for literally all interaction. Glad to join the hellsite in the year of our Lord 2022, however belated that might be.

Hal Borland / M. Cumulus Life, Illuminations / Mary Quant / Unknown / Take a Load Off, Joanna Franklin Bell / Unknown / The Wild Marsh Four Seasons at Home in Montana, Rick Bass / July Moon, Louise Townsend Nicholl / VSCO: vxdb / The Months, Linda Pastan / Instagram: KJP / Lot, Bryan Washington / Tumblr: nobodysflower

Guys I am like 80% sure I am happy and no longer depressed but I don’t actually like it? Its. a hollow happiness bc all of my passions were formed when I was mentally ill and I have no sense of identity anymore now that I am recovered ish, I fear that this crisis will work me back up into a depressive fit if I don’t find some meaningful enrichment soon

Per sognare nell’estate

È una volte splendissima,

Il piú dolce, il piú gioiosa, sempre allegra

Voglio dormire sotto il caldo occhio della grande blu

E stare inutile e pacevole al fine del giorno

Trying to stay motivated with my Italian this summer, so I wrote some small verse using only words I already knew. Notably I could neither remember the word for sun nor sky, resulting in the strange little metaphor above. If someone more learned than I notices an error I would be ever so grateful for a correction, even a snotty or disdainful one! Arrivederci, amici, bacci!

Guys I took a nap in the middle of the day and had a such a vivid dream about such Devastating and Heartbreaking Loss??? And it was understated but brutal and I was driving across the sky to get to someone who in the end wouldn’t come back with me and what did I do to deserve waking up with this rock in my belly? It’s 5:30 on a Thursday and I haven’t had a break up in years :/ silly self torturing brain <3

And it’s summer again

Sun like tangerine juice

Sky as blue as candy

Days are long and lazy

Speeding to an old song

Flying down the highway

Palm trees in the rearview

Sink into the ocean

Sparkles on the surface

Oldnew freckles darken

Grass is green and dying

Want to skin my knees by

Running on the asphalt

Close my eyes and breathe out

Sweet tea, sticky fingers

Melting ice cream, longing

Sprinklers, seafoam, swimsuits

Everything is all wet

Undercurrents, secrets

Wild, charged, electric

Whispers, laughter, screaming

At the top of my lungs

Sand between the bedsheets

We’re alone together

Only in my mind’s eye

Heat stroke made me drowsy

Home at last, I’m woozy

Piano in a dim room

Fingers fumble, keys sing

Journal then forget it

Playlist, dance, cry after

horizontal body

Everything becoming

Young, but now I’m older

Want to be a kid and

Want to be a grown up

Somewhere in between, though

Endings are beginnings

Time’s a shifting seascape

This enchanted country

Infinite and dreamy

invincible in sunshine

Weak knees in the moonlight

Nothing so romantic

As a joke and shy grin

from a boy with straight teeth

Learn the lines in all things

think I might’ve found a

Paradise right here, now

All divine, eternal

Suspended in summer

Surely it won’t end, right?