Tsh As Onion Headlines Part 2

The secret history as onion headlines (there will be more bc I cannot stop)

“ronan’s second secret was adam parrish.”

when u look up from a wikipedia rabbit hole and it's 3:25am

Andrew was such a yapper when he was on his meds I like to think that when Neil and him get comfortable in their relationship he goes right back to yapping 24/7

let's be real he found an old fashioned pipe somewhere, like he's going all out

also ganseys 100% a stress smoker sorry no regular non-smoker is making all those metaphors

omfg this is incredible

Prompt: Andrew and Aaron "bonding," with mixed results

they can’t play any sort of racing-based video game with each other because once andrew said ‘if gays can’t drive then why do you keep eating my dust’ and aaron threw a controller at him and hit the wall instead. aaron tried to lie about why there was a dent in the wall. andrew did not.

‘minyard bonding’: anything from ‘we’re dyeing our hair matching shades of green because it’ll piss kevin off’ to ‘property damage? property damage.’ dan will never quite forget the matching look on their faces as they were leaving fox tower one night with backpacks full of spray paint

‘aaron if you steal syringes from the bio lab i can use them to inject chocolate syrup DIRECTLY into cakes. steal them aaron. do it.’ (aaron does it. he doesn’t ask but they both know andrew got the idea from gbbo)

the day after they finish finals their last year they take all of aaron’s lab notebooks outside and burn them. andrew brings a kazoo and plays the palmetto fight song extremely off-key. did i mention it’s 1am

speaking of kazoos: they both have them and it’s a Problem especially since neither of them can match pitch

more under the cut!

their other hobbies: going to a store in matching outfits, but only going in one at a time and checking out a few minutes apart at the same register with slightly different items to make the cashier think they’re losing it; the ‘what if we got mixed up at birth and you’re actually aaron and i’m actually andrew’ discussion that inevitably turns into existential crises at 3am in columbia; fighting over whether peanut butter or mint goes better with chocolate; punch buggy that goes WAY harder than necessary

‘what if i locked you in the bathroom and took your finals for you and answered every question with b’

‘what if i emailed all of my professors from the bathroom and claimed you stole my identity and then emailed all of YOUR professors and told them you like eating chalk and your favorite flavor is purple’

'there was no call for that kind of slander'

'there was no call for that kind of damage to my gpa'

other noted forms of minyard bonding: making fun of each other re: significant others

‘hey ANDREW you looked pretty comfortable in the LIBRARY yesterday. thought you didn’t like libraries hmmm???????????? is it because....... neil was there’

‘rich coming from a guy who changed sections of his neuroscience lecture because katelyn had a class across the hall’

‘at least i don’t have to compete with kevin for katelyn’s attention’

‘i don’t compete with kevin. i win’

‘my point still stands’

‘no it doesn’t’

‘yes it does’

nicky: oh my god guys do you have to have this conversation while we’re literally in the middle of a game

andrew and aaron, simultaneously: yes

aaron complains about some book he has to read for his literature GE class and andrew memorizes it and follows him around reciting it. other things andrew has memorized specifically to harass aaron: the bee movie, my immortal, moby dick, the cheesecake factory menu

andrew tries to steal aaron's fries at sweeties and aaron whips out a spray bottle and spritzes him in the face and says 'NO'

'neil did you know the real reason andrew never dances at eden's is because he only knows fortnite dances'

'that is false'

'sure it is'

neil: what's fortnite

andrew, wielding scissors in a threatening manner: we look too alike

aaron, not looking up from his phone: fucking get a nose piercing or something then, not my problem

aaron also has a massive sweet tooth but unlike andrew he actually gives a shit about staying relatively healthy so he doesn't indulge it too often. but then they get drunk and order 10 pounds of personalized m&ms and argue for forty minutes about what color to get (the only thing they can agree on-- not fucking orange). aaron forgets this happened. andrew does not. when 10 pounds of personalized blue and green m&ms that all say 'fcuk ravenz' arrive at fox tower, it causes quite the uproar

the real question is how has nobody overdosed yet

Part 3

Henry Cheng is aro ace and I’m tired of you guys pretending that he’s not !!!

It's not "do it for the aesthetic " it's morbid longing for the picturesque you fuck