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Shame ;; - Blog Posts
What does shame feel like?
Shame feels like hiding
Shame feels like not wanting to be seen, heard or understood for fear of being judged
Shame feels like wanting to hide in a hole where no one will find you
Shame feels like preferring to be invisible
Shame feels like not belonging
Shame feels like wanting to run away and to never be found
Shame feels like being disgusted by yourself
Shame feels like wanting to be someone else
It feels like you're not as worthy as everyone else
Shame feels like wanting to deny a part of your identity
Nuff Said! 💯💯💯
i will say this as a person who is not white: i think being called racist as a white person is like way lower stakes than anyone makes it out to be. and like, the reality is that white people have an inflated sense of anxiety about what being called Racist Means when like. let's be fucking real for a second. it does not meaningfully often result in Material Violence to a person for being "called racist." and I think being racist is just a thing that happens. and like if we are going to say that being accidentally racist from time to time is something that like, is relatively low stakes, that has to go hand in hand with being like. ok well I guess i should take some time to think about why someone might think I'm racist and like Do something about that.
like I think the paranoia and anxiety about how Being Called Racist is something that Does Violence to People is rooted in a white guilt racialized anxiety and if I am going to be real with you I do not think it is based in material reality. you can be a little uncomfortable it's not the end of the world. i think it's frustrating as a racialized person to see so many white people more frantically hand-wringing over the prospect of being called "racist" than over the prospect of Being Racist. it's annoying to say the least.
[Image description: text reading, #file under reasons I don't reblog activism posts with guilt trips attached /End image description.]
Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.
It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.
Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.
Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.
Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)
Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!
You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!
If you want it in a simple phrase:
You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.
Cherry Dump Cake - Cherry Dessert When all you need to do is top cherry pie filling with buttered white cake mix and pecans, making cherry dump cake is as simple as it sounds.
Henley Monday -
Spring has sprung. The warm weather has finally rolled into even our chilliest of climes. I ate lunch OUTSIDE on Saturday, even. OUTSIDE. The sun is shining in the big blue sky, just like Michael Fassbender's eyes shine here. So bright. So piercing. So magnetic that entire universes could revolve around them.
But enough about his eyes check out that henley that was practically PAINTED onto his majestic masculine form. Those jeans aren't bad either.
trying to find the sweet spot. #infographics #dread #shame #stasis