Latest Posts by badweatherbartender - Page 6

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

Pokemon headcanon that once Absol are studied and people realize they prevent disasters instead of causing them, particularly dangerous workplaces get themselves a workplace Absol and it also decreases accidents.

Construction sites and fishing ships and factories will have one that pretty much just lazes about until it just gets up howling one day and knocks a dude down. They almost never figure out what would have happened but they're always like "yes absol thank you absol I am so grateful to be on the floor right now. Can I offer you a treat in this trying time"

honestly not to be an annoying 'kids these days' zillenial but i do feel sorry for kids who won't grow up with mythbusters, i don't remember a disturbing amount of my life before i was 15 but you know what i remember? the mild mannered guy with a beret and a walking advertisement for adderall blowing shit up for fun every week

mythbusters season 5+: guys the lawyers said we absolutely CANNOT run on a treadmill on the back of a moving truck

mythbusters season 2: we're gonna bury jamie alive LOL pick out ur coffin king

One of my mutuals is filling my dash with Mythbusters posts and while I was ABSOLUTELY raised on those guys, I also love talking about Adam's current presence online. Because he's the only "celebrity" I trust. He's so open about his whole life's journey, who he has been in the past and mistakes he's made, how he grew up as the weird kid with undiagnosed ADHD. And you can really tell in the last couple years how he's accepted and embraced the way his own brain works. He supports his sons who want to go into art, and doesn't use their names publicly. He's been vocal about his support for the lgbt, trans, poly, heck even the furry communities (he praised furries as the one community who really knew how to pay their artists what they deserve). If you ever need to feel comforted about your place in the world as a nerd and as an artist I can't recommend enough to look up a playlist of his talks from the past decade.

been mainlining mythbusters episodes while i work on art stuff and this bit where they attempt to test sneakily entering a building through the air ducts caught me deliriously off guard

The dog went in to be neutered and the vet took a picture of the dog and sent it to his owner as soon as he woke up.

Taliesin, talking about Percy and Vex in interviews: *laughing* Oh, Laura just decided we were going to be married on graph paper and I went along.

Taliesin at the table, when a villain is hurting Vex: I am going to commit a MURDER.

gotta love matthew mercer

I love that Orym declared "I'm going to kiss you now" to Dorian before apparently immediately deciding that was coming on way too strong and walking it back with "Can I kiss you?"

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

good > finally building the habit of checking my trouser pockets for tissues and stuff before putting them in the washing machine

bad > being unable to do so without saying "what's it got in its nasty little pocketses" in a gollum voice

Me, fighting a yoga mom in the organic food market circa 2023: take your hand off that peach or I’ll vaccinate your children against polio

One of the funny things about LotR is that almost every people in it professes to disbelieve in the supernatural, but because they live in a fantasy world their baseline for "natural" is so jacked up. The Rohirrim are like, yeah, there's a wizard in this tower and ancient tradition that we have no reason to doubt says this mountain is full of ghosts, but walking trees? Short people? I don't think so. Galadriel is like, "Listen I heard you describe what I do as magic and look I just gotta clear some things up, okay." Gondorians are like, yeah, of course the Enemy has spectres of men who lived long ago and never died and can now fly above us and incapacitate us with just their voices. This is just a fact of life, okay? But shut up about this magic weed that makes comatose people better. That's an old wives' tale. Royalty? Press X to doubt.

The people group in Tolkien's work who seem most receptive to magic and least restricted by their own notions of what it can do actually seem to be the hobbits. And they use it to avoid meeting people they don't want to talk to

inspired by the scariest words my dm has ever said to me and the subsequent coolest (AND SCARIEST) scene of my life

me, explaining liches to my new players: so basically they have to constantly take the souls of people to ensure that they continue to be a lich. like an adobe subscription

barbarian: adobe soulscribtion

"A warlock patron can be a warlock themselves, it's called a pyramid scheme."

"I am running on 5 hours of sleep, pure adrenaline, and the untapped will of an anime protagonist."

- Rogue, after being asked why they sound so tired

““I’m not a moral backbone, per say. I’m more of a moral appendix. I’m here, but I’m apparently useless and sometimes I explode.””

— -Our lawful good but also insanely anxious cleric’s player.

how to counterspell when you're not a caster

Rogue: That spell that [NPC Sorcerer] is about to cast on me requires concentration, right?

GM: It does.

Rogue: I take off my shirt.

"Congratulations on Level 5, [Wizard]! You've officially been upgraded from 'liability' to 'glass cannon'!"

"Your 32 persuasion check doesn't mean shit to a 5 ton carnivorous lizard that can breathe lightning who sees you as a home intruder. Now make me a dexterity saving throw."

-our DM, curing a player of horny bard syndrome.

"Best I can do is worms"

- our warlock, about to cast Infestation