Latest Posts by badweatherbartender - Page 5

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Wait, is Orym's bananas high perception a trauma response to not spotting the assassins that killed his husband coming? Is it literally 'Nobody will ever be able to sneak up on the people I care about like that again?'

Like, in my head, I was going 'oh haha, this is Liam trying to make the perfect counter to someone like Vax, someone who can beat a high level rogue's minimum stealth role,' but like... in character? In character this is a man who has decided he'll never let anyone catch him unawares again.

y'all HAVE to watch this...interview??? with the inmates of the prison where luigi mangione is being held.

the reporter is standing outside the prison walls, while the inmates are inside watching newsmax, and collectively screaming out one-word answers to questions loud enough to be heard by the reporter.

I've never seen anything like it

putting this under the cut so you all have the same emotional experience i just did

tumblr discourse after 13 years on this fucking website

right so last week @mothinthegutter asked me how my washing machine tried to murder me, so here we go.

scene: it's 2022. my ex and I have just moved into our new house. we brought our washing machine with us, and I've just finished hooking it up. I haven't pushed it all the way in under the counter yet, because I want to make sure none of the plumbing is leaking. so I put some clothes in and start a wash. a few minutes later I'm squeezing past it to get to the coffee maker, and I put my hand down on the top of the washing machine and hey, ow, what the fuck

now, I've been electrocuted enough times to know it when it's happening. I grab my multimeter and sure enough the entire outer casing of the washing machine is live with 120 volts. okay so maybe I won't touch that.

except, here's another thing I wasn't counting on: the load in the machine is also unbalanced. and the spin cycle is about to start.

oh, and the only way out of the kitchen is on the other side of the thing.

so now, I am trapped in a corner with an electrified washing machine vibrating slowly in my direction.

panic sets in. definitely the weirdest kind of panic I've ever felt. also the realisation that, if this is how I die, no one will be surprised. I consider my options carefully and decide the only way out is to parkour over the counters. given that I have no parkour skills whatsoever, this ends up looking more like lying prone on the counter, belly sliding around the corner, and then falling onto the floor on my face.

I'm alive. I'm free. I call the washing machine manufacturer and report the weirdest problem their repair team has ever heard of.

humans are a subspecies of elf known for dying really quickly and being stressed the whole time

Beloved followers would you be interested in a fun new syrup recipe for your coffee because I am now obsessed. Gingerbread oatmeal coffeeeeeeee

golf sucks but mini golf is fucking awesome....truly one of life's great paradoxes

that’s a whole man.

You turn off the light, cats light up the space

Menswear guy’s ability to own is so powerful he even owns himself.

blocking people who think you owe them an argument is SO sexy, and so fulfilling. try it if you haven't!

the person asserting the make-a-wish child's right to an aryan doordasher is a she-ra fandom blogger embroiled in callout drama who regularly posts thousand word essays invoking the threat of femicide as the reason taylor swift can't come out as a lesbian. just for the epistemology of the concepts here.

so was anybody gonna talk about the new ecology paper proposing Ethiopian wolves as potential pollinators of native nectar-rich flower inflorescences positioned on stalks conveniently within wolf enjoying height AND that it includes photos of said wolves doing said unconfirmed alleged pollination (delightful) AND that it has observational evidence suggesting some wolves do like 1 flower and are done and other wolves just get really into it and spend upwards of an hour going between 20 and 30 flowers for up to 4-5 minutes per cluster just utterly going at it, lost in the nectar sauce? because I cannot BELIEVE I haven’t seen something on this webbed site about it yet. it just has everything this site enjoys

*celebrates october by taking off my pants, squatting to the ground, and with extraordinary delicacy and precision, sensually dipping my ass into a fairy circle*

tell me something nice

more cishet people should crossdress. builds a vibrant ecosystem

being called "cringe" by another tumblr user is just so..............my sibling in christ u are also on the app

live laugh love? nah, bite scream growl

I think one of the funniest things about kids is how they'll be very observant and lack context for anything. Like imagine someone having to explain their small kids that some other adult in the grocery store was acting absolutely horrid because some grownups aren't real adults, they're just kids in adult bodies trying to pretend to be grownups, and some of them are bad at it. Real grownups don't throw tantrums in grocery stores.

And three weeks later one of the kids sees a trainee at the daycare fuck up something that the other daycare workers have no problem doing, and observes "you're just a kid trying to pretend to be an adult, aren't you?" and this whole-ass young adult will have to process that they were just read for fucking filth by somebody who was born in 2021.

Me: Yes sir I understand that the office door cannot be closed when two colleagues of opposite gender are alone together due to sexual misconduct concerns but as an openly bisexual employee I have to ask if leaving two colleagues of the same gender entirely unsupervised isn't a double standard

Me: Like. I feel I should also have my ass covered if a same-gender colleague accuses me of shit, you know

Bossman: Nahhhhhhh it's good

The morally grey cathedral goblin that lives on my shoulder and judges the value of my kneejerk impulses: If you grabbed his ass right now he would learn such an important lesson forever but we don't roll like that bro

Me: (out loud) Okay

sraight up petting it. and by it. i mean my area

Dear everyone who is currently working on a Thing, whatever that Thing may be,

Good luck with the Thing. You can do the Thing. You will do the Thing. You just have to do the Thing.

Best wishes,

Someone who is also doing a Thing

This is single handedly the funniest Pokemon clip of all time.

**The Pokémon company, sitting at a round table reviewing the episode before it airs:**

“You know what, fuck it. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

jumped in excitement without thinking when mythbusters made the tennis volley on the airplane, hit my hand pretty hard on my ceiling fan

good thing i also just watched the “fans can decapitate you” myth get busted 😬