I’m Bitter!

im having a weird day

do a bro a favor and reblog

i’m not gonna kill myself because if my depression wants me dead THAT badly it’s gonna have to start shutting my fucking organs down like a REAL disease instead of being a fucking pussy and hiding in my brain and trying to get ME to do it’s dirty work for it !

welp. 

managed to make myself so irrationally angry I cant even breath. 

why on earth do I do this to myself? why? why??

my heart is pounding and racing out of my chest in firey anger and my eyes sting

I know I need to just relax and breathe but I swear its like blinding hot anger.

I shouldnt be so worked up over something from literally years ago that had nothing to do with me 

but.. fuck.. it makes me sick..

im just being a stupid irrationally angry crybaby and i hate it...

Bad morning

Weak. Tired. Shaky. Sick. Having heart palpations and feeling like garbage. Hhh. Whyy

me: Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the time? Ha. I don’t even care. I don’t even care, not even a little. You want to ignore me fine. Go ahead. I don’t even care. You think I need your constant presence and attention. Laughable. I was alone way before I even met you. Pure childs play. Don’t even @ me. Don’t even bother saying anything to me. I don’t need or want it anyway. 

me 1 minute later: *sobbing* I’m sorry please don't leave me. Fuck I need you. Where are you. What did I do wrong. Was it something I said two months ago? Have you left me like she did, ghosted me?? If I attempt to reach out will you block me?? What did I do?? Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sor- me 1 minute after that: *trying to think rationally* He’s probably just sleeping. Hes probably busy with schoolwork. Or babysitting. Or the bank. Or family stuff. Or- me 1 minute later panicked: But he always messages you morning. Even when hes busy. He would have let you know. He would have said something if he was going to be away...What if something bad has happened?? What if something horrible has happened to him?? What if hes hurt?? What if something happened to his family?? What if hes suicidal and not telling me and I’m going to lose him??? Oh god oh fuck oh no oh fuck oh god me: What if hes just ignoring you? What if he just doesn’t want you anymore? What if he hates you? What if you pissed him off and didn’t realize it? What if- me minutes later:.....Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the-- and repeat forever.  

What I say: I'm off to bed now, goodnight!

What I mean: I'm going to dissociate for a few hours until I drift into sleep, goodnight!

hiding secrets in the wishing well

opportunity.

I can’t look at the night sky the same anymore. It makes me sad that It only makes me think about her and you. 

I think its time to find a new world with a new sky.