Latest Posts by purpurghost - Page 6

Give yourself a big hug for making it through this year.

That’s it, the Professor is truly the King of Sass

how do I grow a set of antlers and become a deep forest mist deity within 5 years

instagram.

Some fun facts for your weekend

please excuse my grandpa in the background but here’s poncho enjoying her thanksgiving superworms

cat: hey you gonna eat that?

human: uh, that’s a rat. They’ve been showing up ever since we started harvesting grain. We don’t eat them, they eat our food.

cat: free game then. Cool.

human: be my guest.

cat: hey is this spot free? It looks warm and I need a place to have my litter.

humans: this is my house. Feel free, I guess, just don’t get stepped on.

cat: hey can you watch my kittens for me? I need to hunt and I don’t want predators finding them.

human: holy shit these buggers are cute. Nothing will happen to them.

cat: I am going to climb on your lap now and you are going to love me.

human: I’m ok with this.

“NO YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T HAVE..” Cat Edition In Six Photos

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

People aren’t the only ones with vivid imaginations

Hard to argue with that logic.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

(Thank you to the MANY lovely people that recommended this scene from Deathly Hallows!)

them: SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST MEANS HUMANS MUST BE INDIVIDUALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT AND COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT

biologist:

whats your hoard

The only good streamer on Twitch

Reading about nonwhite cultures and their history irritates me because they made so contributions that white people get credit for.

I was reading about a Persian Muslim scientist named Al-Tusi who wrote a book discussing about the concept of evolution DURING THE THIRTEENTH CENTURY. He discusses about evolution almost 600 years before Darwin and never had I heard about him until I decided to dive into the depths of the internet.

cat cryptids, part 2 (a year later)

This is so wholesome

Surviving IKEA

Never enter near closing hours.

Do not mispronounce IKEA product names. What you summon will haunt you.

Do not trust the arrows.

Walls shift and new ones appear out of nowhere.

Avoid, at any cost, staying after closing hours.

Do not ask employees for directions to the exit. Most of them have been trapped inside the building ever since they signed the contract. These once happy and good people have grown spiteful. Do not trust them. They want you to stay.

Make the bed after trying it out. It makes them less angry.

In case you are trapped:

Find John. He has lived in the store for six years, unnoticed.

Avoid eye contact with employees roaming around.

Hide whenever possible.

The ghost families living in the showrooms won’t betray you.

Do not steal any pencils. It will give away your position.

Avoid walking through the bed area. The creatures sleeping there won’t appreciate your presence.

When music from the 30s starts blasting through the speakers, Walter, the handyman, has noticed you and wants to drive his screwdriver through your ear.

Run.

He often shouts jokes chasing you followed by the laughter of IKEA personnel echoing throughout the store. Never let your guard down.

Open as many wardrobes as you can. Some of them are magic portals. Pray that you find one in time before he finds you.

Only go through a portal when absolutely necessary. What you find on the other side is often not pleasant.

If there is no other option, try pronouncing the name of the IKEA furniture closest to you. The ground will start to shake. Prepare yourself for the worst.

More guides

When driving long hours alone

How to confess to your crush

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

reading letters from 1818 is wild

“it’s that time of the year when I get colds for no apparent reason again” have some Clairitin hon

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

some time ago i read good omens and thought “great book, but what if crowley were gay, a great writer, and somewhat sexually involved with aziraphale?” and, me being me, i wrote a poem on this concept entitled “What If An Angel And A Demon Fell In Love? Wouldn’t That Be Nifty?” and today it won me a hundred fucking dollars in a poetry contest. so take that neil gaiman

Never have I galaxy-brained harder.

Aziraphale.

me: the umbrella academy is a clever and thought-provoking show that millennials can relate to because of its themes and our general disillusionment with life, our often complex family dynamics, and our need for validation

also me: *stares at Klaus’ lace-up leather pants* 🤤

Happiness Will Come To You.