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Bsd Soukoku - Blog Posts

1 year ago

Dazai: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant other and-

Chuuya: I wrote you a poem.

Dazai, already crying: You did???


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1 year ago

Chuuya: Here's the thing. So I've known for a while now that Dazai has a little crush on me...

Kouyou: A little crush?

Chuuya:

Kouyou: Well, I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.

Chuuya: Yeah, I don't rlly know who they are...and I don't care, so listen...

Chuuya: The point is Dazai isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.

Kouyou: Darling, Dazai isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with...


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1 year ago

Dazai: Now I'll arrange our security.

Atsushi: Why?

Dazai: The mission is dangerous and we're hot. The enemy will want us for our info and our boddies.

Atsushi: Our info maybe...

Dazai: Speak for yourself kitten...

Dazai: Now I'm calling the only man who can fuck me.

Atsushi: What???😨

Dazai, calling Chuuya: I mean, who can protect me...us...

Atsushi: Ugh. 🤦‍♂️

Chuuya, picking up: What now?

Dazai: Well hello my big dick chibi.

Chuuya: What

Atsushi: the

Chuuya: fuck

Atsushi: Dazai!

Dazai: Language everyone!


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1 year ago

Dazai: My feelings for Chuuya are strictly platonic.

Ango: I see...What color are his eyes?

Dazai: Ocean blue, not in a weird way but in a way your ship can get lost in their waves and you’d never want to escape because it feels like an adventure and discovering new things in life...

Odasaku: Right...

Ango: What color are my eyes?

Dazai: Idk brown? Shut up Ango I'm talking about Chuuya.


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1 year ago

*in a port mafia meeting*

Chuuya, looking down at 69 new guns Dazai bought: How did you pay for all of these again?

Dazai: I used your credit card, I memorized the number.

Dazai: It's 9481 6400 2--

Chuuya: *punches Dazai in the face so he stops talking*


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1 year ago

Dazai: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Chuuya: Wow. They sound stupid.

Dazai: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Chuuya: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… "Hey! I love you!"

Dazai: I guess you’re right. Hey Chuuya, I love you.

Chuuya: See! Just say that!

Dazia: Holy fucking shit.

Chuuya: If that flies over their head then, sorry mackerel, but they're too dumb for you.

Dazai:


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1 year ago

Chuuya: When I was 16 and incapable of expressing any feelings, I got a crush on someone and because I didn't know what else to do, I wrote them a letter on Christmas that said; "I hate your guts. Wish you are miserable for the rest of your life."

Dazai:

Dazai: ... wait whAT? IT WAS YOU?!


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1 year ago

*skk flower shop au*

Chuuya, STORMING into the flower shop Dazai runs: *slams 20 bucks on the counter, startling him*

Chuuya: How do I passive-aggressively say “fuck you” in flower?

Dazai: *barely bats an eye after the initial shock* That depends on what you want. You could do geraniums for stupidity, foxglove for insincerity, yellow carnations for disappointment, or orange Lilly’s for hatred, anything else?

Chuuya:

Chuuya: … I think I’m in love with you.

Dazai: What?

Chuuya: What?


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1 year ago

*how Dazai overcame his fear of dogs*

ada Dazai: They say that the phobias are overcomed by taking incremental steps to confronting the phobia in question.

ada Dazai: In my case, that started with watching a tv show that was adored by all children but for me was a staff of nightmares.

*flashback*

15!Dazai: *watches Scooby Doo*

*end of flashback*

ada Dazai: The next step was to come face to face with real dogs.

*flashback*

15!Dazai outside a pet shop, looking at 5 adorable puppies: Ok that's enough. *runs away scared*

*end of flashback*

ada Dazai: AND finally, a close encounter of the third kind; physicall contact with the canine spices.

ada Dazai: *points at Chuuya*


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1 year ago

Chuuya, drunk: I mean Dazai is just an egotistical bitch who only cares about himself.

Kajii: Literally I just said I dont care.

Chuuya: And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was and he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos and laugh at my jokes and~

Hirotsu: Oh well, that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit.

Chuuya: Ikr,

Chuuya: he's just a fake privilege asshole.


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1 year ago

*married soukoku au*

Chuuya: I dont understand. I thought we were on the same page about kids. We talked about this.

Dazai: We did?

*flashback*

Chuuya: Aw, look at these pictures of Q and Elise.

Chuuya: *shows photos of the kids in a water park*

Dazai: Mm.

Chuuya: We should do this someday. What do you think?

Dazai: Are you kidding me? Of course!

*end of flashback*

Dazai: I was talking about going to the water park! You were talking about having kids???

Chuuya: Yeah! I said, "Do you think we can afford it?" and you said, "We'll start saving right away."

Dazai: So you mean, all that water park money I've been saving, you want to spend it on kids now?


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1 year ago

*Dazai and Chuuya get captured and are tied together*

Dazai: Chill out slug. It's not like you've never been tied up before.

Chuuya, talking really fast: Sure. But there weren't involved a psycho and a piece of shit.

Dazai: Am I... Okay, Am I the the psycho or the piece of shit?

Chuuya: Both.


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1 year ago

Chuuya: Hey...uh...mackerel...I have something to tell you.

Dazai: Hmm? Yes?

Chuuya: I like guys.

Dazai: *gasps* I knew it!!!

Dazai: So who's the lucky man?

Chuuya: He works in the ada, he used to be in the port mafia, an ability user, funny, good with coming up with plans...and well he can be a big fucking idiot sometimes.

Dazai: Oh- he sounds kinda lame...

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Did I mention idiot?


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