Dive into a world of creativity!
Dazai: Last night I had a dream that you and I bought matching side by side mansions.
Dazai: But there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard.
Chuuya:
Dazai: What do you think it means?
Chuuya:😶
Dazai: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant other and-
Chuuya: I wrote you a poem.
Dazai, already crying: You did???
Chuuya: Here's the thing. So I've known for a while now that Dazai has a little crush on me...
Kouyou: A little crush?
Chuuya:
Kouyou: Well, I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.
Chuuya: Yeah, I don't rlly know who they are...and I don't care, so listen...
Chuuya: The point is Dazai isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.
Kouyou: Darling, Dazai isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with...
Dazai: Now I'll arrange our security.
Atsushi: Why?
Dazai: The mission is dangerous and we're hot. The enemy will want us for our info and our boddies.
Atsushi: Our info maybe...
Dazai: Speak for yourself kitten...
Dazai: Now I'm calling the only man who can fuck me.
Atsushi: What???😨
Dazai, calling Chuuya: I mean, who can protect me...us...
Atsushi: Ugh. 🤦♂️
Chuuya, picking up: What now?
Dazai: Well hello my big dick chibi.
Chuuya: What
Atsushi: the
Chuuya: fuck
Atsushi: Dazai!
Dazai: Language everyone!
Chuuya: The mission might be over, but as long as you're around, we'll always get into trouble.
Dazai, happily: Thanks Chuu!!!
Chuuya: Not a compliment.
Dazai: 😔
Dazai: My feelings for Chuuya are strictly platonic.
Ango: I see...What color are his eyes?
Dazai: Ocean blue, not in a weird way but in a way your ship can get lost in their waves and you’d never want to escape because it feels like an adventure and discovering new things in life...
Odasaku: Right...
Ango: What color are my eyes?
Dazai: Idk brown? Shut up Ango I'm talking about Chuuya.
Dazai: If you tell anyone that we kissed I promise I will make your 2024 a living nightmare.
Chuuya: How is that any different from now?
*in a port mafia meeting*
Chuuya, looking down at 69 new guns Dazai bought: How did you pay for all of these again?
Dazai: I used your credit card, I memorized the number.
Dazai: It's 9481 6400 2--
Chuuya: *punches Dazai in the face so he stops talking*
Dazai: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Chuuya: Wow. They sound stupid.
Dazai: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Chuuya: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… "Hey! I love you!"
Dazai: I guess you’re right. Hey Chuuya, I love you.
Chuuya: See! Just say that!
Dazia: Holy fucking shit.
Chuuya: If that flies over their head then, sorry mackerel, but they're too dumb for you.
Dazai:
Chuuya: When I was 16 and incapable of expressing any feelings, I got a crush on someone and because I didn't know what else to do, I wrote them a letter on Christmas that said; "I hate your guts. Wish you are miserable for the rest of your life."
Dazai:
Dazai: ... wait whAT? IT WAS YOU?!
Chuuya: What do you want for christmas?
Dazai: You in a maid outfit.
Chuuya: 🖕
*skk flower shop au*
Chuuya, STORMING into the flower shop Dazai runs: *slams 20 bucks on the counter, startling him*
Chuuya: How do I passive-aggressively say “fuck you” in flower?
Dazai: *barely bats an eye after the initial shock* That depends on what you want. You could do geraniums for stupidity, foxglove for insincerity, yellow carnations for disappointment, or orange Lilly’s for hatred, anything else?
Chuuya:
Chuuya: … I think I’m in love with you.
Dazai: What?
Chuuya: What?
*how Dazai overcame his fear of dogs*
ada Dazai: They say that the phobias are overcomed by taking incremental steps to confronting the phobia in question.
ada Dazai: In my case, that started with watching a tv show that was adored by all children but for me was a staff of nightmares.
*flashback*
15!Dazai: *watches Scooby Doo*
*end of flashback*
ada Dazai: The next step was to come face to face with real dogs.
*flashback*
15!Dazai outside a pet shop, looking at 5 adorable puppies: Ok that's enough. *runs away scared*
*end of flashback*
ada Dazai: AND finally, a close encounter of the third kind; physicall contact with the canine spices.
ada Dazai: *points at Chuuya*
Ango: They say partners can never be just friends. It's always sexual.
Dazai: *scoffs* That's dumb. Look at me and Chuuya. There's nothing sexual between us.
Oda:
Ango:
*after that dead apple scene*
Chuuya: We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!
Dazai: Nope, don't remember. Didn't happen.
Chuuya, drunk: I mean Dazai is just an egotistical bitch who only cares about himself.
Kajii: Literally I just said I dont care.
Chuuya: And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was and he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos and laugh at my jokes and~
Hirotsu: Oh well, that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit.
Chuuya: Ikr,
Chuuya: he's just a fake privilege asshole.
*married soukoku au*
Chuuya: I dont understand. I thought we were on the same page about kids. We talked about this.
Dazai: We did?
*flashback*
Chuuya: Aw, look at these pictures of Q and Elise.
Chuuya: *shows photos of the kids in a water park*
Dazai: Mm.
Chuuya: We should do this someday. What do you think?
Dazai: Are you kidding me? Of course!
*end of flashback*
Dazai: I was talking about going to the water park! You were talking about having kids???
Chuuya: Yeah! I said, "Do you think we can afford it?" and you said, "We'll start saving right away."
Dazai: So you mean, all that water park money I've been saving, you want to spend it on kids now?
*Dazai and Chuuya get captured and are tied together*
Dazai: Chill out slug. It's not like you've never been tied up before.
Chuuya, talking really fast: Sure. But there weren't involved a psycho and a piece of shit.
Dazai: Am I... Okay, Am I the the psycho or the piece of shit?
Chuuya: Both.
Kunikida: Dazai, just ask him out!
Dazai: Absolutely not, there’s no way he’s interested.
Atsushi: *confused* Wait, hold on- Mr. Dazai AND MR. CHUUYA HAVENT BEEN DATING THIS WHOLE TIME???
Chuuya: I find that I adore a person pleasantly more if they can speak a second language, especially French.
Dazai: Ma ciao!
Chuuya:
Chuuya: Dazai, I said that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been 5 seconds late to our date. Please say something.
Dazai: Karma's gonna track you down, step by step from town to town...
Chuuya: I-
Chuuya: Are you ready to commit?
Dazai: Like, a crime, a suicide or a relationship?
Chuuya: We all have our demons.
Chuuya: *grabs Dazai*
Chuuya: This is mine.
Odasaku, to Dazai, about Chuuya: What is a rival if not a crush you're mad about having?
Dazai: Why do you seem to be so nervous around me lately?
Chuuya: I- it's just... I don't know. I guess I don't wanna say something wrong?
Dazai: Babe, I have a praise and a degradation kink. So whatever you say, it will somehow work for me.
Chuuya, pointing to his leather pants on the bed: Which one of these bottoms would look the best on me?
Kouyou: Well considering none of them are Dazai I would say none.
Chuuya:
Kouyou:
Chuuya, turning all red: The literal fuck?
Dazai, stumbling in through the window of Chuuya's room with a broken red rose in his mouth:
Chuuya, startled: What the fuck are you doing?
Dazai, falling on the floor: I’m trying to be romantic, shut up.
Dazai, yelling: KUNIKIDA HAVE YOU SEEN MY TOP?!
Kunikida: Chuuya's in the office.
Dazai: Ok thanks :).
Chuuya, from the office: THE FUCK?!
Chuuya: Hey...uh...mackerel...I have something to tell you.
Dazai: Hmm? Yes?
Chuuya: I like guys.
Dazai: *gasps* I knew it!!!
Dazai: So who's the lucky man?
Chuuya: He works in the ada, he used to be in the port mafia, an ability user, funny, good with coming up with plans...and well he can be a big fucking idiot sometimes.
Dazai: Oh- he sounds kinda lame...
Chuuya:
Chuuya: Did I mention idiot?
Atsushi: So is this thing between Dazai and Chuuya supposed to be a secret?
Akutagawa: Hardly, the only people who don’t know are Dazai and Chuuya.