Fuck Covid - Blog Posts

Lost in a world of emotions

Covid on my mind

Not a worry for the blind.

It’s not the strain of my eyes

from watching the tv

Or holding my phone all day

It’s the battle going on in my brain .

A pain I feel through shut eyes

The light don’t bother me no more

Used to the dark and the man made lights

With a flip of the switch .

It Seems day and night no longer disgunish

The hurt no longer exists

But neither does my happiness .

Lost in my own mind

But just a empty space .

Dying to breathe in the fresh air

To revitalise my brain .

Lost words that make no sense

Emotions I can’t figure out .

The world has gone crazy

And my brain is on the fall out .

How can my brain survive this pandemic with nothing to do , no air to breathe , no sun to see,

Just me .

@trueemotions91

Teaching in 2020

              Second grade was hard enough

                The seconds turn into hours

                Screens turn to staff as

                Students turn their screens on and off

                Teaching students slipping out of their chairs at home

                Teaches us what we thought we already learned

                Too raw is the view into the houses of inner-city youth

                Exposed to their reality;                my past too.

                When the day is over, we rub our burning eyes

                We say it is easy when we are pioneers

                Fighting our exhaustion and creeping mental instability

                Has us fighting our love for our career.  

december daze (depressing af)

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 - 11:28pm -11:57pm 

damn that

alliteration

decembers been kinda dismal ngl,

(take a shot every time you read a word beginning with d on this post)

feel like i’m in a daze, these past 5 days of christmas break have been lying in bed and listening to p!atd and maggie lindemann on repeat.

(productive i know)

it’s crazy to think i’ll be finishing secondary school within the next few months 

i feel like i was robbed of two years of my life and it’s so weird because it’s like how can you feel nostalgic for something that was never there? 

nostalgia in definition is 

a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past 

that’s not quite what i feel. i have a longing for a period in my past that never happened. i don’t feel wistful affection. i feel grief and loss for a time that never was. i’m almost 16 but i don’t feel that way. i feel like i lost what would have been two of the greatest years of my life and it’s like damn, 2020 and 2021 happened in a blur. where did they go.

(love that over dramaticness for me)

exams will be done and over with within the next 6 months, i’d like to make the most of that time inbetween studying to experience what i lost in that time stolen by covid.

NOTE:

i’d like to do monthly diary posts like these as something for my future self to look back on - from now on i’ll be including the date and times i started and finished writing posts at the top.

til next time  ~Amimi

My First Year of College

tw: existential crisis vibes, school problems, heavy drinking, marital issues, suicidal ideation

my first year of college has said a lot about what’s best for me in my life path. my first semester i spent on campus, came away with a 3.57 GPA and got on the dean’s list. I made a few good friends and got to be responsible for myself. my mental health was a little wrecked, but who hasn’t been feeling that?

my second semester I came home because of COVID, but it destroyed the only mental stability I had. I am walking away with a term GPA of around 1.9; cumulatively that is a GPA a little above a 2.7 (i think). i barely did any work, worrying about my mom’s heavy drinking, my stepdad being away for work all the time, the weird tension in their marriage, and my siblings who obviously are confused. on top of all that the constant criticism from my less immediate family pushed me further into a downward spiral. this is the first time i genuinely believed dying is a better option than doing anything else (i would never attempt anything, but i’m not actively living either).

i’m going to try to apply to other colleges far from here & transfer, but paying for college by myself (and not getting support because fafsa is awful) is just adding to my negative negative spiral. financial insecurity is always a huge hindrance from experiencing anything, and i don’t know what to do anymore.

More than one year later we still stock in COVID-19 crisis Ontario is lock-down, no one can cross to Quebec or Manitoba, in Quebec we have what they call RED ZONE, so you have no right to see anyone or invite someone and around the world there's still some complete lock-down.