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guys help there’s this girl next to me who keeps talking about her worms and putting her face near my shoulder and she doesn’t have any iron
Years of being confident in my identity and then some mangaka decided to slap a pair of boobies on a traumatised and tattooed doctor "for plot reasons" and suddenly I don't know who I am anymore
H!
I'm back from the dead!
And I have things to talk about 🤭
Last month into this month has been fucking wild for me!
I was connected to a girl my age through my therapist, her name is Sam. We've really hit it off and I now consider her a friend.
Then... for some reason I felt confident enough to make a dating profile.... and
AGAINST ALL ODDS I MET SOMEONE.
Like I live in a town over an hour away from any cities.. but he only lives a half hour out of town... so not a super long drive.
Anyway, we've seen eachother in person twice but I fell so deeply in love with the guy.. and I can tell he feels the same about me... the way he looks at me.... How he talks... He is also a total romantic.. much like myself, so it's been going really good! I'm hoping we'll get to see eachother again next week.
But I never thought I'd ever get into a romantic relationship... if I'm being honest
Don't read on if you're easily triggered by mental health issues and/or sexual themes.
I never intended to be around this long... I was literally planning on ending it all shortly after my 18th birthday... But for some reason... I kept going.. and I'm super happy that I did, otherwise, I wouldn't have ever met my friend and boyfriend.
Seriously...
Things are finally going right for me after so many goddamned years of being alone, isolated unable to find any real connection and incredibly miserable because of it...
I have finally realized I am not unlikeable, I'm not worthless and I can find friends. And for the rest of 2022 and into 2023, I will work as hard as I can to not let my anxiety control me anymore
My next big leap comes in November. I will be looking for my first job!
And here comes the part where I gush about my boyfriend
I now have this dream now where I'm settling down with my boyfriend.... we move into a little apartment in one of the cities nearby (in fact that dream could very well come true... because we both want to go to the same city for college) and we settle into a peaceful domestic life together.... hopefully with cats!
Ok... but like honestly this guy is literally the one I've been dreaming of. He's very attractive and emotionally available, and he doesn't judge me for who I am! I neglected to mention here, but I have discovered that I am agender and my pronouns are they/them... I live in probably one of the most conservative provinces in Canada and to make it worse, I'm in a small town with like 4 churches of the same exact brand of extremely homophobic and transphobic Christianity... I fully expected him to lose interest in me. But no, It hasn't affected how he thinks of me. and he is very careful to respect my pronouns...
He's also very funny (which I really love in people... I can't be around someone who is super serious all the time) I mean... when I last saw him on Monday, we were at my place, playing around (in an adult sort of way) and he discovered my toys
One of them had a suction cup at the base, so he goes and sticks it on the wall a few times... then he sticks it on his forehead looks at me and says "I'm dildo man" we laugh about it together.... and he goes to pull it off his face only to discover it has suctioned pretty hard to his face, so I help him by wedging my finger under the suction cup and lifting it off...
and HE HAS A BIG ASS BRUISE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FOREHEAD... We're still laughing our asses off... me almost pissing myself with laughter as we frantically search for way to get rid of bruises and hickeys online... we try the fork method, icing it... everything we can do, nothing works.. so we decide to just take a bath to clean up before my parents get home from a trip they were on (at this point my parents don't know we've had sex... and I wasn't exactly ready to tell them) While we're in the bath, my parents get home and my dad calls out to me... I fucking panic and we get out and dress at breakneck speed.
My parents brought home some takeout and my boyfriend stayed for dinner... he met my mom for the first time... but damn... coming downstairs after that was... super awkward... but thankfully my parents aren't the type to be bothered by that kind of thing, all they needed to know was that we used protection (which we did ofc)
It's funny though, he really gets along well with my dad.. Maybe it's their sense of humour. Or maybe the fact they are both quite talkative..
But damn.....
This guy is special.. and I hope we last for years, decades... life even...
And done.. Sorry about all that.. just had to write this all down somewhere.. It's really hard to contain my happiness right now.