Jurgen Leitner - Blog Posts

jurgen leitner has been dead for seven slutty years

Happy bpm day guys

Happy extended sounds of brutal pipe murder day to all who celebrate

Some more humble s2-s3 memes bc I work hard to make this hellsite a home

Let’s be honest it was only a matter of time before I made a brutal pipe murder meme, and I think about Mag 86 every damn night 😃

and I miss Tim every damn day

Condolences to Jon for having to read this aloud 💀

Who is this hoe I already hate him

Update: this didn’t fucking age well did it

HAPPY BPM DAYYYYYYYYYYYY

Happy Brutal Pipe Murder Day, everyone! Here are some of my favorite Leitner memes to celebrate. How are you celebrating?

Retribution

Also it should be a middle school math textbook. Those things weigh like ten pounds for absolutely no reason

If Gerry had killed jurgen leitner he should've beaten him to death with a random hardcover book.

Being jurgen leitner the day that gerry almost killed him was probably really surreal. Imagine you’re minding your business, collecting fucked up books, and out of nowhere this goth guy covered in eye tattoos shows up and beats you half to death, then stops, goes, “no you’re too pathetic to be jurgen leitner” and leaves without further elaboration. And you dont correct him, you like being alive after all, and after that you just… continue with your life. And then several years later you tell this to some random guy in the tunnels you’ve been hiding in, and he not only knows who the goth was, but seems somewhat fond of the goth. And then you get brutal pipe murdered by the random guy’s boss. Oops

I feel like all warrior cats books are Leitners

HAPPY BRUTAL PIPE MURDER DAY TO ALL THAT CELEBRATE

Jurgen Leitner and Stanford Pines are the same person it's just that one didn't get his situationship with an entity and was allowed to keep poking a stick into spooky shit unchecked.

I love both my old men messing with powers beyond their comprehension <3

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JAYCE TALIS GOD DAMN FOOL HEXTECH COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT, WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JAYCE TALLIS

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JAYCE TALIS I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE DO SO MANY FUCKED UP THINGS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jayce talis waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with jayce talis speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive

he better have some fucked upstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of fucked up technology and wanted the irl version ill go ham

Arcane characters as tma entities bc I need an outlet for s2 being so close

Jinx is desolation (duh)

Powder is the lonely

Vi is slaughter

Caitlyn is the eye but more garchivist than anyone else

Viktor is corruption or maybe end

Jayce is the eye (?? idk bestie)

Mel is the web

Silco is either corruption or web

Ekko is the vast

Sevika is the hunt

Heimerdinger is in the same league as stupid idiot motherfucker jurgan leitner God damn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of the whole biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town cowboy motherfucking Jurgen leitner

Ambessa is slaughter just a very different type to vi

Vander is hunt (furry)

Markus is hunt (police)

Singed is either flesh or corruption but the moldy corruption

Sky is lonely (same as powder)

I'm not doing anyone else bc they are irrelevant and I cannot be assed

season two but the finale is filling elias’s office with cement

I've got reactions starting to listen to episode 62:

Who's this little old lady? She seems sweet?

Why is dear Gertrude so mean to her?

And then the answers to all questions:

Oh. It's Mary Keay.

Aaand it's a Leitner episode, goddamnit.

Go Gertrude, be mean, fuck her up

Oh my gosh what did we have here

Oh, Jurgen Leitner? I don't like him, i mean.... i know NOTHING about him like i only heard about him a little but

Wtf do you mean you got book make it supernatural so that everyone who reads it became obsessed and turn into a monster feeding ahhh b??? I mean you JUST SET THEM ON LOOSEE now everyone can find it somewhere what is even the point wtf is wrong with you leitner you goddamn old fat old man not even a single time i would look at your face in 1 second without smacking your head dead i mean i know i hate Elias but come on i don't even blame him for smacking his pipe out of you like you're a bastard old man ahhh need to be eaten by something you little motherfricking book collector wtf even is your problems we aint doing anything you fancy old goddamn expired man like come on whats all this need to be is it necessary to be this dumb you had all of this saved then SET THEM ON LOOSE like wtf jurgen leitner??? Why did you even exist why did i have to watch the whole podcast thank GOD Elias pull out that stupid pipe of his like i NEED to see how he did it those are the best day ever i hate you you little old man im sure Gerard would be proud at Elias for THAT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PULLING OUT THE OL RELIABLE PIPE IM ON YOUR SIDE THIS TIME BUT NOT OTHER TIME YOURE STILL A BASTARD THANK YOU🥹💔❤‍🩹❤️❤️

I dont even know why i still hold back on swearing because hes still A BASTARD WHO KNOW NOTHING just can you get yourself off of supernaturals and be a good old man like as fuck come on i dont even know why i said fuck i usually hold back swearing but this is an exception because FUCK YOU JURGEN LEINER WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS EVERYTHING GET THAT ASS AWAY AND LET ME GET MY OWN PIPE Elias teach me your way i wanna smack this bastard as well i am angry sooo bad let me join the party

February would be the best month ever been since it's PIPE MURDER DAY YAY i love whoever make a remidner to this day I'm GLADLY joining the celebration and I'm not the one making that jurgen leitner rant but THANK YOU FOR DOING IT YOU'RE MAKING THE BEST FUCKING RANT IVE EVER READ I'll be needing it the other day and FUCK JURGEN LEITNER PIPE MURDER GOES BRRR YAAY HAPPY DAY BEST ONE OF MY LIFE

Is Leitner under the trap door again... I hope he is so he can be killed twice 🤎🤎🤎

HAPPY PIPE MURDER DAY

To those who celebrate

Being jurgen leitner the day that gerry almost killed him was probably really surreal. Imagine you’re minding your business, collecting fucked up books, and out of nowhere this goth guy covered in eye tattoos shows up and beats you half to death, then stops, goes, “no you’re too pathetic to be jurgen leitner” and leaves without further elaboration. And you dont correct him, you like being alive after all, and after that you just… continue with your life. And then several years later you tell this to some random guy in the tunnels you’ve been hiding in, and he not only knows who the goth was, but seems somewhat fond of the goth. And then you get brutal pipe murdered by the random guy’s boss. Oops

Happy Brutal Pipe Murder Day!!!!!

8 years dead today

would gerry beating up leitner be considered a keaysmash

my ADHD ass could never use a leitner properly even if my life depended on it. “read this specific passage to change the—” ok my eyes have already skipped to the bottom of the page. “one or two words is enough to—” and I zoned out and skimmed 2 pages so I’ll see ya later in the hell dimension

The Magnus Archives is a horror podcast WRONG

The Magnus Archives is a RomCom WRONG

It's the world most elaborately made and longest anti smoking ad lmao

happy brutal pipe murder day to those who celebrate!

I had another idea for the Rich Old Man Squad roadtrip au

its not much but yk how on most roadtrips you rotate between drivers so one person isnt driving the whole time? yeah well tgat doesnt happen here, peter drives the whole time. its not just that though; all pf them have their own little spot and theres an unspoken agreement that everyone stays in their spot. so example elias rides shotgun the whole time, simon rides in the back on the drivers side, etc.

oh also simon is that little bitch who annoys everyone (mostly peter though) by going “are we there yet” every five seconds 💀

more Rich Old Man Squad(™) roadtrip au ideas

yeah so I had more ideas for the Rich Old Man Squad roadtrip au and thought I would share them

so I’ve decided it’s in the us bc I think it would be really funny for them to flounder and struggle as none of them are all that familiar with america

and a scene idea ✨

bc none of them know how to use technology all that well, elias (whos riding shotgun) has a paper map and hes attempting to give peter (whos driving) directions and he Knows what exit they’re looking for but it doesnt match up with the map so they keep missing the exits they need bc elias is confusing peter. there is a shouting match as they go back and forth on the issue. meanwhile, leitner is angrily reading, rayner is repeatedly slamming his head against his seat, salesa has his hands covering his ears in a futile attempt to block out the shouting as he not-so-subtly reads over leitner’s shoulder, and simon is basking in all the fear of the vast that occurs on the american highway system (the others think hes asleep and are amazed at how he can sleep through elias and peter screaming at each other but hes actually just living people’s fear)

edit: I forgot to ask but should I turn this into a fanfic, or at least keep it as a reoccuring thing on this blog?

I made fanart of the Rich Old Man Squad(™) ✨

so I saw @masao-micchi video using the same base and decided that I absolutely had to draw it

I did not do any of them justice but I tried ok 😭

(yes I’m aware how shitty simon’s hair is, its hard to draw with motion blur on)

also I found this comment chain which is absolute gold

and I decided to make a roadtrip au based on it

my ideas so far are as follows:

-at some point they all stop at a hotel for the night and they get three rooms, two people each (leitner and salesa, simon and rayner, peter and elias). putting peter and elias in the same room with only one bed was not a good idea, and simon reminds them the next day that hotel walls are not very thick.

-someone lets simon play music. chaos ensues.

-at some point peter, elias, simon, and rayner all collectively decide to try and ditch leitner and salesa somewhere. it does not go well.

More alters shenanigans

Today's the day lads!

(Yes this is an actual event in my calendar. Once year i see it snd do everything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true books)

.....MOTHERFUCKER!!! 

Mikaele Salesa : *remarks how much Martin looks and acts like a younger Jurgen leitner*

Me, remembering that Martin’s father left when he was like 9, that he’s supposed to look exactly like him, that Leitner is old enough to be his dad and that Martin’s dad left in the 90’s which is around the same time that the leitner library was destroyed and leitner went into hiding:

Edit: everyone in these tags is losing their shit, my work here is done