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Kleinsen - Blog Posts
<3
hi kleinseners are you alive
WE ARE SO CLOSE TO 100 HITS!!!!!!<3
GUYS SPREAD MY FANFIC!!!
fandoms: deh, bmc, heathers, hamilton (references to falsettos, 25thAPCSB, rockabye and other musicals)
Imagine the day we start of in Dear Evan Hansen. He never finished his letter, rather finding himself auditioning for the highschool's version of Heathers. He finds himself intertwined in a multitude of scenarios, pockets of gossip and situations. Jeremy Heere's casual breakdown, Connor Murphy being somewhat nice, for some reason lams! A blurred mixture of gayness, drugs, blood, shitposts and irony.
I originally wrote this a while back with the limp prompts for my ex, I am now republishing some of the older chapters and writing up some of the later ones for myself. I have been promising I will write something on my terms but never do. Now I am!!
It's meant to be bad, I wrote this in teenhood whilst trying to figure out where I fit in the world. Some of the plot choices are a little.... hectic. I will give you that. Pretty good for a laugh, although. It's still going!!<3
I AM ALSO DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! :D
I FEEL you! Every ship I ever had is some level of toxicity or messiness. Kleinsen, Kyman, Gallavich, Philkas
If they don't have that then I eventually get bored of the ship T^T
I actually can't take this anymore
why the HELL are the only ships that I ship ALL enemies to lovers in some way 😭😭😭
like kyman, sonadow, catradora and detey
wtf how do I stop this from happening 💔
if I go into ANOTHER fandom anytime soon and there's ANOTHER type of ship like this and I like it I'm gonna cry
edit : I FORGOT ABOUT CREEK 😭😭
okay well they ended up happy but they were still enemies to lovers
I never thought about this before. The funniest part is that Evan KNOWS Jared is trying to look cool and he knows that Jared insecure but still convinced that Jared hates him. Quotes from the novel:
"He acts like he’s the shit, but he’s not totally convincing." "He still hasn’t looked at me (or a vagina, I’m guessing)" “Your ‘Israeli girlfriend’”— I make the air quotes so he doesn’t miss my point— “and your ‘buddies’ from camp? I’ve never heard you once mention any of their names.”
also that evan's idea of how to be lifechangingly successful at a first impression with his crush involves dryly going up & talking to her while also seeming so profoundly unrattled by doing so that he doesn't already know her name & will get it wrong even the first time due to how concerned he is with so many other things, & this will appeal so much....& then there's jared's approach to talking to evan on the first day of school going up to him with a practiced swagger only the deeply insecure can truly pull off & sure it's established he knows evan's name & secrets but he so obviously is coolly unconcerned with all evan's shit despite initiating this exchange. & what an asshole
I do the exact same thing for Kleinsen T^T.
How I look constantly refreshing the AO3 rarepair tags like
KLEINSEN KLEINSEN SAVE US PLEASE I NEED KLEINSEN KLEINSEN IS EVERYTJING TO ME ID KILL FOR JELIJEBI AMNRBKOT KAITNIKSNBNKLEINSEN BAHN DPELAKE LALEINNSEN IM HAHJFERKA IL NNELIGWDN KLEISNNE
kleinsen moment
KLEINSEN FANS COME BACK PLEASE IM SO DEPRIVED 😭😭 I wish to befriend any person that enjoys kleinsen in the day of our lord 2024
ummm uhhhh kleinsen doomed yaoi. is this anything
Part 13!
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Evan: Fight me!
Jared, behind him, holding a knife: *Mouths* Do not.
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Connor: I desire moisture.
Zoe: Just say 'I want water' like a normal human being.
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Connor, to Jared: Stop calling yourself hot. The only thing you can turn on is the microwave.
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Evan: What goes up but never comes down?
Jared: The amount of stress you bring me daily.
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Miguel: How would you like your coffee?
Connor: As dark, and as bitter as my soul.
Miguel: Got it, one cup of milk with extra sugar coming right up!
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Connor: I could kill you if I wanted.
Jared: Oh yeah? So could any other human being.
Jared: So could a dog.
Jared: So could a dedicated duck.
Connor:
Jared: Your not special.
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Jared: How the hell are you still alive?
Evan: Honestly, I am just as confused as you are.
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Jared: *Pulls back the curtain while Evan is showering*
Jared: Did we-- Evan, stop screaming, it's just me. --Did we run out of cheerios?
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Larry: So what are your political beliefs?
Heidi, trying to sound like she knows what she's doing: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.
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Connor: Stop failing!
Evan: Don't tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!
Evan: *Succeeds*
Evan: Dang it!
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Evan: I am a responsible adult!
Jared: *Raises brow*
Evan: I am an adult.
Jared: That's much more accurate.
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Connor: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.
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Jared, trying to impress Evan: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities, but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.
Zoe: He turned it off, and then turned it back on again.
-
Evan: So, Jared is no longer aloud to take the trash out at night.
Alana: Why?
Evan: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Jared, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
-
Zoe: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.
Connor: Well, that's just your personal opinion. I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think that I have anger issues?
Jared: Well, you see, I wouldn't call them 'issues'.
Jared: Issues are something you can fix.
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Evan: My dad's name is just mine as well, so technically I'm just Mark Jr.
Jared: But who comes up when you look up 'Mark Evan Hansen' on google?
Alana: That's what I thought!
Jared: One Mark to rule them all!
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Jared: Hello, it is I, your favorite person.
Evan: Oh actually, Zoe's my favorite person.
Jared, annoyed but holding it in: Okay, then.
Jared: It is I,
Jared: That bitch.
-
Alana: What's it like being tall?
Zoe: Is it nice?
Miguel: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Evan: We live in constant fear of the short ones, who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Jared: It was ONE time!
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Alana, who just won Evan at armwrestling: I am strong! I beat Evan at armwrestling!
Connor, who has beaten Evan at armwrestling at least 7 separate times: Anyone can beat Evan at armwrestling.
Evan, who really just lets everyone win at armwrestling to be nice: Hey-
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Miguel: Connor's gonna kill me.
Zoe: No, he'll probably just make me do it.
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Evan: We can't tell you because your not a member of the club!
Jared: What club?
Connor: The Hating Jared Kleinman Club.
Jared: What the fuck? I should be the president of that club!
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Alana: The clock is ticking! We don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery!
Jared: The unmitigated poppycock?
Zoe: Extravagant hogwash!
Evan: Okay, stop.
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Evan: How do you tell someone that you want to have sex with them in a polite way?
Connor: Excuse me Mr, would you give me the honour of indulging in sexual activity with you?
Jared: What the fuck is wrong with you two?
-
Jared: *Speaking Spanish*
Evan: I know, I know.
Alana: You speak Spanish?
Evan: No. I just know the phrase 'this is all your fault' in every language Jared speaks.
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Zoe: The ritual. To perform it requires a sacrifice.
Connor: Sacrifice? I nominate Jared.
Jared: Wait, what?
Connor: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.
Jared: I'm 5'9, it's like average height in most of the world!
Evan: It's not that kind of of sacrifice guys!
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Zoe: Connor won't wake up, what do I do?!
Jared: Did you try kicking him??
Zoe: Yes!
Jared: Then I'm out of ideas.
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Evan: I asked Zoe out.
Jared: Oh, I'm sorry.
Evan: Why?
Jared: I just assumed she said no.
Evan: No actually, she said yes.
Jared: Oh.
Jared: Then I'm sorry for her.
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Evan: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Alana: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.
Jared: Fuck you.
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Jared: Zoe, I know you love Evan. I mean, we all do, he's a very nice person and I totally respect him deep down.
Jared: But I think he might be a fucking idiot.
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Zoe: How high are you?
Connor: Hm, I don't know how to say it in feet.
Evan: No, she's asking you about what drugs your on.
Connor: Oh, antidepressants, why?
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Evan: Connor gave me a Get Well Soon card.
Alana: Awhh, that's nice of him.
Evan: I wasn't sick, he just thought that I could do better.
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Evan: Hey Jared, Connor just broke my seashell lamp,
Jared: Neat, I'm gonna die alone.
Evan:
Evan: Okay, you win.
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[During the 'Evan using everyone and being a fucking asshole' segment]
Alana: You really believe in Evan?
Jared, annoyed: Luckily, he believes in himself enough for both of us.
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Heidi: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Evan. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Evan!
Jared: Nope.
Heidi: In that case, as the archbishop of Jared's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Evan right on the lips!!!
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Connor: Go. Let it out. Cry, Evan. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.
Alana: Just when we thought it was safe to add you back into the conversation.
he tasted good
//original under the cut..
Jared at 2:AM listening to those “POV, you are in love with your straight best friend” playlists, preparing to go to school and see his ‘Family friend’.
Jared got a guitar and made Zoe teach him how to play it, for the sole purpose of serenading Evan from under his window. Evan just laughs softly and does NOT ask Jared to play for him when he needs to relax, no sir, that does not happen...
Does anyone know if there is an active Kleinsen discord server, or should i make my own? Does anyone want me to make one?
what if i made a Star Trek: Voyager DEH~BMC crossover AU? With Endgame Kleinsen, Implied Galaxy Gals, a sprinkle of Tree Bros, and Boyf Riends? ME, the little Kleinsen blogger.
I often think that Jared just gets a plant, but only so that, when it inevitably goes limp, Evan will be like “What are you doing!? Here, now it should be happy.”
And now Jared has a collection of plants that Evan constantly worries about, so he (Jared) can be like “My plants are sad :(,” And Evan just goes to take care of them.
“Somebody I used to know” is a Kleinsen song, and I will not take criticism.