Love Notes To No One - Blog Posts

Thank God I dreamt of her again.

hidden conversations

We fell in love from the shadows

professing love through radiowaves

kissing pixelated lips

and whispered longings from under blankets

What are you wearing you ask, heaving.

Insecurities he gave me,

burns, scabs that I still pick at.

You don't flinch. You don't back down

Let me. Is all you say.

and I do.

closer than I've ever come to myself.

You take them down one by one.

And tie my hands with the softest of knots

When I try to beat myself up.

You say words I want to hear

But also the words I need to hear.

When I say

hold me and I'll break, hold me or I'll break

So you held me against you and said

I've got you and you've got me.

An anchor and a promise.

That's when I knew I've always loved you.

And I realize

I'm not walking a tightrope anymore.

I'm not walking anymore.

I don't have to walk.

Because I'm here. I'm home.

Do you not feel the birth of a star at the touch of our fingertips.

Your lips caress my skin, turning the blood coursing through my veins into stardust; stardust that cannot be tamed, for all it knows is chaos.

My love, I ache for you to tame the stardust in me.

Make me yours.

Heart- Break again finds a Way

In Strom, I tend to play defensive rather than going with the flow, enjoying the beauty of destruction. I constantly shove my face too deep inside the sand, so that I can ignore my feelings until they lose their voice by screaming. I fell in love with a boy, at the age of twenty-four, you would think I would be mature enough to handle a silly crush, however, that's not how the mind works when you get to know that silly crush also likes you back. Well, crush is a powerful word, it was more like a stupid joke rather than crush. We both fell in love but I fell harder, I used to wait for his text and calls when he is not even ready for something long-term, not like I was thinking of long-term. But unfortunately, it's me who crashed harder. The anxiety inside my mind forced me to analyze every and each word, every action, which turned me into a big ugly green-eyed monster that may be and hopefully, I am not. He drunk-texted me the L-word which again made me hopeful and again made me sad thinking he would run the moment the clarity will hit him the next morning. And he did the same thing, I imagined he would. But at the same time, I get to realize one thing, someday I will find someone who will not be afraid to join in my weirdness and won't say he is confused. I deserve someone who won't hesitate to take my hand and also came to the conclusion, someday he is also gonna find someone who will have the patience to wait for him, let him go at his slow pace. Alas, and fortunately that person is not me.

There was happiness because of you and there will be happiness after you.