Useless Lesbians - Blog Posts

Dancin :)

Any constructive criticism or tips are appreciated :)

Have my pathetic little doodle that took way longer than it should have :)

Of i tried to actually do a proper drawing this would either not be posted, or posted in a few days, neither of which i wanted.

Both do have crushes on each other, but Juni is just gets way less blushy, and Xe is not oblivious, she is aware that Leigh has a crush on Xem and is just seeing if she will confess first.

Also, going with the headcanon that plant magic users sprout flowers in their hair/nearby when they are flustered or embarrassed because i think it's cute :)

Juniper yarrow, She/Xe

Leigh Ferox, She/Her

Fun fact: Juni's adoptive parents are both in the bard coven but heavily encouraged Xem to take plant track when she showed interest in plant magic, she is only powerful through practice, not a prodigy in the slightest and was actually held back a year because she was so behind.

Juniper knows what Leigh looks like without her concealment stone and doesn't mind, Xe's just worried the scars might hurt or be uncomfortable, but they don't change anything.

Leigh told them after a few months of being friends, they didn't really mind, but we're worried the scars may still hurt or be uncomfortable, otherwise nothing changed.

Also, Juniper has braces. Just a little fun fact that would fit anywhere else :)

Friendly reminder that i still accept asks for the character questions, it doesn't matter if you already asked because i would be happy to info dump any day.

HEEEEEELLLLOOOO GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!! 💙💙💙

How are we doing today? I know that they were doing great

It's pretty much an idealized version of what I think that Velchid selfie turned out like, I'd imagine that those little star cameras aren't all that great in resolution since they have so much going on in them to just be able to fly, do you think they'd be like drones or something? If that's the case I can just imagine how bad the paparazzi are in Mount Rageous, or would those cameras only be red carpet exclusive? Who knows, but either way I tried to make it look like a little shittier photo with a lot of blinga-ding from reflection and lights. I hope you guys like it! It isn't my best work to be honest but it's nice 😅

Oh and I don't know if this is already a thing or not, because I checked everywhere and couldn't really find it, tell me if you know someone who made this thingy first so I don't falsely claim it as mine okay?

So it's one where Orchid becomes a surprise assistant to Velvet and Veneer! (And of course Velchid is sprinkled in...not really sprinkled in, more like there's a full tub of salt)

So here's a little backstory if you want to know :D

As we know, there was mentioning of an assistant in the movie, or I just imagine it, I'm not sure atp it's 3 in the morning.

Anywhezel, so I thought it would be in one of those accidental encounters by chance.

Crimp had a hard day, on the verge of a breakdown every second because siblings became "kinda" overbearing, and with no assistant around to help (because they most likely quit), she had no help around them. There was nobody who was willing to take the job that was licensed for working and helping celebrities that way because of all the horror stories previous assistants shared around. Siblings didn't really care Crimp was alone with them, so they just put all the extra stuff on her.

Crimp knew she needed a bit of help purely to keep her sanity on the line with her, so she decided to take a walk and think about what to do next (after she made sure siblings were in bed of course). She sat on a bench in the nearest neon-colored park and cried, not knowing what else to do, and had to let it out.

But she heard someone approaching, turns out it was a purple haired mount rageon and she looked at Crimp sadly, and asking her what's wrong. That's how Crimp met Orchid!

Orchid was making her way from the grocery store and saw Crimp crying on the bench late at night, Orchid recognised her easily since Crimp was mentioned a few times by the siblings on social media, there were also some photos. Plus, despite being small she was hard to miss.

Crimp explained her situation and told Orchid she couldn't do everything alone anymore, and that no one was willing to take over a bit of the burden since the siblings simply scared everyone off. Which made Orchid feel sorry for her.

But Orchid figured, that she could perhaps help Crimp out, the job at that doughnut shop she worked at just wasn't payed enough for her to move out of her mom's apartment, she wasn't forced to move but craved some independence ever since she turned 18 (which wasn't that long ago).

A good bonus was that she got to work with her favorite duo! despite it probably, being a little challenging.

Orchid gave that proposition to Crimp, which made Crimp a bit sceptical, Orchid was a nice girl and didn't deserve that kind of stress, but Orchid persisted because Crimp didn't deserve all that stress either.

On the end Crimp agreed, it only had to go through the approval of the siblings first.

And as expected, Veneer didn't really mind who was helping Crimp as long as they helped Crimp in the first place, and everything gets done in time.

Velvet on the other hand wasn't all that for it, she remembered Orchid faintly from a memory of a concert, which meant Orchid was a fan, she didn't want some nosy stalker snooping around. But as she inspected further, and listened to what Crimp had to say, she reconsidered it and ended up agreeing, unenthusiastically.

So that's how Orchid is now a busy celebrity assistant for two.

The story is a little basic, but it is solid I think, there will probably be comics about it in the future if you're interested! 💕

Also here's some Ritzneer I didn't post, warning! Boys kissing!!!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Love you lovelies!!!! 💙💙💙💙

WLC 2.9: Call 'Em Vrow

L: As we traveled onward, we almost ran into a pair of Vrow huntresses. D: What's a Vrow? L: Cute elves from the Underdank. They're not as bad nowadays, but they were real bu- nasty back then.

A pair of violet-skinned elves sit in a high alcove, both young, barely out of school. One is dressed in traditional Vrow huntress attire: a black, leather leotard, thigh high boots, shoulder-length gloves, and a quiver of arrows strapped to her back. Dark grey belts hold the outfit up. Her velvet hair is in short ponytail.

L: Not that a Vrow would know what a pony is. D: I don't know what a pony is. J: It's a small horse. I could get you one. D: HHHHHUUUUU? OOOOOO?

The second (a sorceress, clearly) is adorned with what can be very generously described as dark grey armor. The chestplate is more comparable to a metal brassiere and it's matching bottom is a glorified, oversized belt. She's also wearing raised heel pumps. Under her armor, she wears an extremely thin tight dark silk garment with a spider web motif over most of her body, from finger and toe to neck. Thin metal rings on both ring fingers and around her neck hold it in place. Her long braided hair loops around her headpiece, which is akin to a circlet which matches her elaborate staff (also spider-themed).

J: We get it, they love spiders; it's their thing.

"Shooty and spelly in a ridge," says Ling, pointing up.

The adventuring trio hide behind a corner, they've spotted the Vrow first. How fortunate for them that the Vrow are distracted.

J: How did they not hear watergirl's clanking armor? L: Well, ya said to skip to the important bits. Sorry, that included us casting don't-get-caught spells, like Quiet March, and don't-fall-in-holes spells, like Darksight.

"How do we want to handle this?" asks Maraja, "Sneak up and attack? My range options aren't great."

"Hold on," says Ling, "We don't know if they're hostile."

"Thhey're Vrow, dear," says Kalyani, "Thhey will mosst ccertainly attack uss on ssight."

"No, they won-" Ling looks at the religious iconography of her party. "Well, yous, maybe. But look at them; those ladies aren't set to ambush anyone. F'ell, that spelly isn't even dressed for the cave; she's bound to twist an ankle." Ling motions for her companions to stay quiet as she casts a spell upon her bones.

The elves in the alcove sit oblivious to their observers. There's an awkward tension between them; Ling can taste it.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" asks the sorceress, rubbing the walking end of her staff along the drop from the alcove, "I don't know what else I can do."

"It's fine," says the huntress, refusing to make eye contact, "It's my fault, you didn't have to stay with me."

"I'm the one who twisted my ankle," says the sorceress, "So you missed a few shots; everyone has a bad day once in a while, Seònaid."

Seònaid rubs her head. "I'm going to get in so much trouble if I don't kill something." She shuts her eyes. "You know they've doubled the quotas, right? We might have to sell my father."

"Let me help," says the sorceress, "My family's well-off en-"

"I don't want your money, Oighrig," says Seònaid dejectedly, "I have to do this myself. I have to- I have to do something."

D: Couldn't you give her the giant worm you cooked. L: No, we had traveled several hours since then. If another critter hadn't eaten it then, another would've before the Vrow found it. J: The worms are also poisonous.

Oighrig struggles to speak. Ling can sense a desperate desire refusing to come out and casts another spell. Unseen to the elves, a magical bubble overtakes them.

"I love you." Oighrig clamps her hand over her mouth.

"I love you too," Seònaid chuckles and turns toward her, "Thank you. You're my best friend." She calmly loops her arms around and hugs Oighrig. "You al- We've always have each others back," she smiles, "And we always will."

Oighrig hesitantly puts her arms around Seònaid. "Y-y-yeah," she strains against an unseen force, "B-best friends."

Around the bend, Ling whispers to Kalyani, "Ya have anything to push these two? Hormones, music, shove her face in her boobs, something."

"Why- What?"

"I don't know," says Ling, "The mammals love boobs for some reason."

Oighrig suddenly kisses Seònaid, then stares into her eyes in shock.

"Wow," says Seònaid, "I was really down, but I'm so glad you're such a friend." She smiles widely.

"I. Want. You." Oighrig's eye twitches.

Seònaid nods. "To?"

J: How? L: I know. J: Vrow!? L: I know!

"Crikey," almost shouts Ling, "She's denser than b****y osmium. It'd be a piece of p**s for me to root a vejjo bunyip before this dropkick's jocks are off."

"Was that even elven?" asks Maraja.

Kalyani shrugs in equal bafflement. "While thhey're disstracted, we shhould leave."

"Right," says Ling, "I'm 'bout to snap."

THE LIPSTICK. THE MATCHING CK UNDERWEAR. THE SOFT FEATURES. THE NAIL POLISH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Just noticed CK = Calvin Klein = Caitlyn Kiramman?!)

(please don't judge, i'm sleep deprived)

Also, this reminds me A LOT of "Rumors (Terrible and True)" by SunsetSharkbite on ao3. The Actors AU is really good! it heals my soul.

I still can't let go of this...go read Cerulean Eyes for the Damaged Soul by loveshazel on ao3. By far, one of my favorite fanfics ever.

Would you please allow me to love you so deeply that peace will always find you? Let me bury my breath in your chest, for your heart to forever be warm. When torture breaks my bones and tears pain out of my throat, let it be so I can come back to you when they are done.