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Visual Diary - Blog Posts
it’s much deeper than that
siento q mis sueños son mi realidad y mis pasiones mis herramientas q uso navegando mi vida caótica (- pics w the lovely kate i love her 💝)
Dripping chaos everywhere I go.
And how do we forget all this glory around us?
constantly grieving over what i went through and how i made up for myself
# in the spotlight . . . . . . 🪐
🕰 . . . . . . a whole new life ^᪲᪲᪲ ^᪲᪲᪲ ^᪲᪲᪲
‧₊˚ ‧ oh, when you ˙ ✩°˖🦋 ⋆｡˚꩜
˚ ༘ 🦕𖦹⋆｡˚ call my name ˎˊ˗ .ᐟ.ᐟ
— 𝙔 𝙀 𝘼 𝙃 ✶⋆.˚
💿 ⭑𓂃 i'm 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 but i like it ✦
𓍼ོ i'm not crying again ૮ ྀི◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ྀིა
⋆.˚🧃༘⋆ 𓏧 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 🌹
!! it's only 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚞 ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა 🌱
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍓 ⋅ ☆ say you're my 𝚋𝚘𝚘
𖤐 — mitsuaya's daughter ⋆⭒˚.⋆ ๋࣭ ⭑ ⊹ ࣪ ˖
𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ i 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 wanna go back ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ 🎸⋆⭒˚｡⋆
★ 🎧 ⋆⋆⋆ but i can't help 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 your love
𓊆ྀིoooh .ᐟ .ᐟ 🎀 𖦹 •⩊•
≽^•༚• ྀི≼ can you be my fantasy?𓊇ྀི
Diary Blog: Letter to myself
"After years of overthinking and analysing I came to a conclusion about relationship. Exactly, why my relationships never lasts. You know, sometimes people doesn't put the same value to the things as you do. I'm not talking about romantical relationship, because you're going into that kind of attachment with some kind of expectations, you want love, just attachment maybe. I'm talking about friendships! I always kept my expectations low, as long I'm not expecting that person to do anything, I'm not overthinking. I remember telling someone to just text me whenever you can after your flight lands, they didn't even though they said they would! I waited the whole day and again realise why I don't have any expectations from people anymore. Expectations are the root of every problems. I don't think it's requires a lot of space or time to text someone, if any person couldn't find five seconds of their precious time to spend on the person they said their close friend, I can't stop myself thinking if I have any value in that person's life anymore. But at the same time I also think, no body is entitled to spend their time on anyone, there might be lot's of things that I don't know that they might be facing, struggling through. But I still can't stop myself from hoping. I can't stop myself from begging to have footnotes in their stories! I don't know I'm just incredibly heartbroken." I'm in dilemma!
A diary full of letters which I'll never publish 🍂🍂
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
* ✪ . 📿 ⁺
∿ ⁺ ✿ Love Me Back ⊹
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⌂ ⊱ from the start (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ ❛ ◇
Struggling with the idea behind that quote lately. Autumn is constantly reminding me of change. Some days I’d rather disappear. I wake up and struggling to focus on anything worthwhile. Other days it comes easily to me, I feel myself drifting through life like a leaf.
Some days taking care of myself is easy, I keep trying to go to the gym, meditate, eat. Yet I struggle with purpose, I know my purpose is to be evolving, changing and learning. But sometimes I feel as stagnant as winter snow. My creative ambition seems to be sedentary. What am I doing if I’m not creating? I’m hoping for more change. 🍂
Started my first job this week and dealt with some stress. I’m trying to focus on the positive moments, like when I recognized that I was doing well on my first day. I felt so proud of myself for persisting even though my mind was filled to the brim and my body ached. Change is hard but it can be accomplished!
I’ve been struggling with identity and purpose as of late. It’s hard for me to live day by day when I feel left behind.
At least I have this moment of coziness in my room 🕯 🍀
I made bean soup! It’s been a better week than I expected 🍀
This week
Current reads! (I can’t control myself)
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Before bed and morning read, I found it in a little library. It’s helping me get into meditation and mindfulness again. Easy to read with short chapters.
Positive Pagan: Found her at my local occult/ metaphysical shop. My brain has been very negative so I’m excited to learn as much as I can. I already made the gratitude alter she described!
The Great Gatsby: This is a reread from high school except this time I actually like it. I read this when I cannot stomach reading house of leaves.
House of Leaves: a strange, disturbing book. Can’t read it when I feel disassociate-y or else I start mildly freaking the fuck out. It’s really good!
I was practicing meditation last night and mentally traveled back to my childhood library. Upon waking up I obviously had to spend all morning googling and trying to find it because of how comforting those memories are for me. Unfortunately it’s a 9 hour drive to get there from where I currently live, but I was able to live vicariously through pictures and memories!
This lovely breakfast (that may or may not have at least a centimeter of cream cheese per bagel) really lifted my spirits after having (unemployed) anxious thoughts🕯💗
