Personal Blog - Blog Posts

💪😼First drawing completed.

Ok, hi guys, I really should learn English instead of using the deepl translator 🥺👉👈

Aha but the important thing, then I decided to get back into the world of drawing and all that, because hell if others can write about their favorite characters, I can draw them osea, for that I used to draw, but I quit you know procrastination 😣🔫

So expect me to upload my classes on how I relearn anatomy🦴, and basic color, (traditional and digital)🥸🤓 and maybe how I learn my fucking subjects already know some algebra🤢 and languages🗿 or maybe my martial arts 🥋👍.

You can probably notice that I'm in diverse fandom, so I'll upload of varied characters, if I don't die trying😢🙏, and of course I'll tag everything to make it easier🗿. (If I upload NSFW I'll put it in censorship, since I understand that not everyone wants to see that kind of content, and that's respectable, otherwise everything is fine, and hopefully we won't have problems).🫠

Bye, bye💅🍒

Vero/Kit . 21 . It/They/He

Autistic traumagenic did system with bpd. This is a blog for us to keep our stuff on. Maybe make friends idk. Mostly Vero probably.

Not going to censor anything we say (as this is going to act as a sort of "open communication line" as we don't have good internal communication), but will tag appropriately.

DNI: under 18s, gatekeepers, "disorder police", cringe haters

BYF: This blog will contain NSFW, trauma-sharing, fictional depictions of sensitive topics, self-harm discussions, favourite person discussions. Probably more, will try to add accordingly.

Frequent fronters:

Vero: host. Subhuman dogthing who has intense source ties (delusional.) and needs intense therapy. Copes with his source which is a fictional world we created.

93: autism holder. Likes webcore, viruscore, and old technology. Interact with care.

Coda: persecutor. Not good, lets put it that way. Usually only around if Vero is around.

Check out my other Tumblr and blog on WordPress!!!

You get some really honest content!

21. Parenting with Depression

21. Parenting with Depression

Not gonna lie, this one was difficult to share. This first part is something I had written when it was getting to be too much, and it clearly shows the state of mind I was in at the time. I just want to be as raw and honest as possible in order to help those who may feel this way.

I Hate It

I was scared as all get out when I found out I was pregnant. Being single and raised Catholic, it didn’t…

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Antlers Of Life

Personal book in progess TW: Depressive thoughts and possible triggering themes 1.484 words

Chapter 1 – REGRET 

Most of the time I would rather sacrifice a good night’s sleep just to avoid waking up. It seems easier going through a day exhausted, knowing soon I'd get a good nap after a busy day, rather than dealing with the process of waking up. I’ve always hated waking up at a specific time. Sure, waking up naturally is obviously much preferred than not getting any sleep but waking up on cue does it for me.   I’m not a morning person. I hate the mornings. I hate most things, actually. 

I hate working, I hate getting up from my bed, I hate interacting with people, I hate society, I hate the afternoon, I hate rules, I hate depending on someone, I hate it when others tell me to do something, I hate myself most of the time. The list could go on and on. Sometimes, I wish to not wake up at all. The idea of eternal sleep sounds amazing. I’d be alone, I’d have full control but most of all I could breathe and relax. The feeling of taking a deep breath, your chest expanding without feeling tight or limited, the fresh air filling your lungs to the brim. It sounds nice in a literal sense, now imagine how nice it feels in a metaphorical sense, where your whole life feels like a big, fresh breath. This type of life only appears in my wildest dreams. I’ve never heard anyone describe their life like that. Because it isn’t. Life’s a bitch. But I still can’t help but wonder, like a little doe surrounded by darkness, that maybe one day, my life will be a big, fresh deep breath as lights poke through. Is it so wrong to hope for such a feeling? 

My life isn’t bad, don’t get me wrong, others have it much worse. But I still crave to feel like a person. I still crave to understand what exactly I am, what I’m feeling, why I function the way I do, why am I uncapable of some things while others nail it from the first try? I know we are supposed to be different, I know that’s the beauty of it, but sometimes I wish to be like someone else, someone who knows what they are supposed to do. And I know, I know, many will tell me; Fawn, there isn’t a single person that knows what to do with their life. I guess we shouldn’t be considered that different then. Why is it so hard to be human sometimes? Aren’t we supposed to have control over that? Over whom we are, what we do, what we strive to be and then making it all possible? Isn’t that apart of being human? Why aren’t we human yet we claim we are? 

This is why I hate rules, society, the government, parents, any kind of authority. They make you forget about yourself, about your pleasures, the things you enjoy and the things that aren’t actually impossible to achieve, you’re just too busy focusing on their needs and your own survival that you leave yourself behind. In life, most things and people will always remind us that we are the most important thing to ourselves, yet no one actually puts themselves first. Not the people who remind you of that, not you, not anyone else.  

In social situations, I always bite off more than I can chew. Actually, that’s not true. That’s just something you’re used to hearing. That’s the common situation. Where a person bites off more than they can chew. A situation where you say things you don’t mean, where you say too much. That’s not it for me. I always bite less than I can chew. I always bite a chunk that never fills me, never even reaches my belly, yet I find a way to make it satisfy me. Or maybe that’s just something I tell myself to not bite off more than I do. But... What am I so scared of? Is it guilt? No, it can’t be. Is it just general fear? Is it because I was raised like that or is it something else. Something I can’t see just yet. Maybe I’m just a people pleaser as everyone calls it. There’s always a reason behind it, but I wouldn’t really be able to see it at the moment. 

There are many things that make me feel the same. Laying in my bed, unable to get up from it, completely tied down to it. Other people such as my family constantly warn me of the concequences I’m already well aware of. Which made me realize, sometimes people’s encouragement only discourages me furthermore. It was always funny to me how it had the opposite effect of what it was meant to do. Moping in bed definitely isn’t something I thought life would have in for me, but I do admit, sometimes it’s very necessary. I don’t know how long I'd be able to not snap if I didn’t rot in my bed as much as I do. Makes me question things when I put it like that. 

 I think I’ve realized a part of why I chew less than I need. 

It’s the fact I’m afraid of being in the wrong. I don’t want to attack an innocent person; someone I simply misunderstood. It’s because I always put others in front of me. I ignore my feelings, worrying about theirs. I don’t want to be the bad guy. Anytime I’d stand up for myself, even if I was in the right, other people would go against me and stand with the one who hurt me. That action alone makes me doubt myself and my actions. What if I actually am the bad one? I just don’t want to gain confidence defending myself against someone who is actually innocent. I fear regret. I don’t want to regret standing up for myself or doubt myself, it’s not something I'm used to or something pleasant to feel. 

I’ll always regret bed rotting, no matter the amount of positive cheering I get from friends or family I still choose that every single time and I would lie if I said I didn’t regret it. Life is much more than my four walls of comfort and safety. I know that, I know that very well, but I don’t feel that. No matter how many mistakes I make, I keep making them because I always give in to my feelings. To my cravings. To whatever has that control over me, and sometimes I’m not sure I’d want to change that. It feels comfortable as much as it’s killing me. 

Regret will always follow me through my actions. And I know I can stop it; I keep doing things that make me regretful such as not getting a good night's sleep and being overly exhausted just because I didn’t want to wake up. The waking up process, as annoying as it is, doesn’t last long and frankly everyone goes through it every single day. So, why am I so keen on fighting it? It won’t kill me, and I’ll regret it anyhow. That’s a question I don’t know the answer to yet.  Feeling like this makes me frustrated, because I am working on it as much as it doesn’t seem like it.   Because in reality, there’s a big part of me that’s fighting all the other ones that put my body and mind down. A part of me that’s sick of feeling depressive, regret, guilt... A part of me that wants to be a person, a person that shines more than the sun. A person that wants to not make people feel regret like I do. And sometimes that side can get so pushy, it pushes me and the others over the edge.  

But that side makes me even more confused. It’s so different then the side I just explained, the side that has all those thoughts. I don’t know who I am. 

Because truly I actually love the mornings and not missing out a part of the day, I love working and feeling my body move, I love getting up from my bed and making another day, I love interacting with people and learning new things about them, I love the society, at least one part of it, the part that supports other people, I love the afternoon and the warmth given by the sun, I still hate the rules though, I love being independent but it also feels relaxing to sometimes depend on someone else, I love it when others tell me what to do because my memory isn’t the best and they are just trying to help and I’m definitely still learning to love myself most of the time.   

So, who am I? The negative part of my thoughts or the positive one fighting to break to the surface? 

I don't have any coping mechanism. Things hurt me, I sleep. I want to cry, I sleep. My head hurts, I want to sleep. My wardrobe is messy, I want to sleep. My coffee is bitter, I want to sleep. No one loves me, I will just sleep.

In all the colours I expected love to be, it was not what I got . I thought love will be the dawn colours. The warmness of orange that at the end of the day being with your lover will ease the scars , the calmness of blue that doesn't matter how complicated the situation is we will get over it , the assurance of lavender that it will all heal, the sweetness of pink that no matter what love will make everything right and even the yellow that doesn't matter what at the end love will win, but for me love was the colour of silver. Too shinny and perfect from afar but from close it was the colour no one will choose. The colour of coldness, the colour which will left you numb. The colour which will leave you in the state of being non-committal.

Fck feelings, I love being dead

You know the feeling when you are scrolling and you found one poetry or quote and it hits you so hard like those are the words you want to scream, that is the feeling you are getting, you want to express yourself but you never found the right words and when you saw those lines you found your pieces in it

@vsprincessdiaries

this is my blog acct. pls follow.

Hi, I started a side blog called @reigemerystuff!

It's a personal blog that features some of my original poetry and other fandom-related content.

You can check out the intro here and the blog faq here.

Humility values others above yourself.

The Creator's Poem

I am your poem,

Created in Christ Jesus

To imitate Him

I'm Your masterpiece,

Crafted from the beginning

For the Prince of Peace

Creator's poem

Named human, for Your glory

Your will, Your poem

Yoongi Month !! 🍊🍊🎉

Hello !! It's finally March a.k.a. Yoongi Month and I got an opportunity to write a blog so I thought, why not write about him?

Before I start writing about anything else, here are some facts about him:

Min Yoongi is a South-Korean rapper idol who is a part of the global idol-group BTS. He was born in Daegu, South Korea on 9th of March, 1993. Yoongi, who loves music, tangerines and ARMY (their fanbase), has now been making music for about 15 years under the names of Agust D & SUGA.

Yoongi, who has had his share of sufferings, is now one of the richest artists ever who has global recognition. He is one of the youngest awardees of South Korea's Cultural Merit Award & James A Van Fleet Award and his group has collaborated with UNICEF for their Love Myself project.

Along with being so many things, Min Yoongi is also my role model. From his music to his quotes to his personality, everything has only inspired me to become a better me.

I love reading lyrics; and this was how I came across his words. An article called his work as the "Midas Touch". Here are some of his lyrics !!

"The thick tree rings in your life It’s part of you, it’s you Now let’s forgive ourselves Our lives are long, trust yourself when in a maze When winter passes, spring always comes" - Answer: Love Myself

"Comparing myself with others became my daily life. My greed, that was my weapon, suffocated me and also became a leash; but looking back on it now, truthfully- I feel like it’s not that I wanted to be the best I just wanted to become your comfort and take away your sadness, and pain" -Magic Shop

"I’m happiness to someone and the soul to another A lullaby to someone and at times a noise I’ll be with you at your birth and your end Remember we’re always together anywhere I’ll always console your life So just lean on me and rest sometimes" - Song Request

I have cried to, slept to many of his lyrics. To me, they feel like a warm blanket on a winter night. But then, songs like So far away and Never mind feel like he's pushing you to run on your path and never stop. Song request, wherein he has written about how he, as an artist with the power of his music, can give so much comfort to anyone anywhere- is one of my most favorite ones.

Yoongi has been very vocal about a lot of issues like mental health, capitalism, the pressures on youth, lgbtq+, etc. and when asked about politics, he said that it had never been about politics [for BTS]. It has always been about humans and their basic rights and every time they saw a violation of it, they would stand up against it. This was truly one of his.. randomly said words, that have impacted me very deeply.

One more thing that I absolutely love is that they are not afraid of growth and the changes it brings. In his earlier songs, he writes much about living passionately and aggressively whereas in the newer songs, he asks the audience rhetorically whether it is really important to do so? "Why live life so aggressively if we can find happiness in the quieter, calmer things?", says he. Most times people are scared to change their words, to switch from one ideology to other, because of what 'people' would say or think. But this, the fact that he constantly adapts to new ideas and ways that seem right to him, as his experience grows, and of not being afraid of change or growth, is something that I have tried to learn.

I would go on and on about how much of an inspiration he is to me and millions of people all around the world. But this is my cue to stop. It is Yoongi Month and Yoongi day is in less than a week and I just want to wish him the best birthday ever. I wish him more growth, love, happiness and health. And I wish he continues to do what he loves so much.

To everyone who read this, in Yoongi's words, here is a message for you.

may your trials end in full bloom. though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous. - So Far Away

I hope you eat a lot of tangerines this month and keep smiling. :)

Little Intro

Hi, My call me Dee! I'm a 23-year-old NonBinary[Neutrois] Spoonie. Over the past few years, I've gotten a few official DX’s after suffering for years since I was really young. Its been hard trying to come to terms with things and accepting my mind and body for what they are and the illnesses I do have. It's taken this long to stop fighting myself and consider extensive therapy and medicine. I tried when I was younger but being a mentally Ill and hurting kid I didn’t want to accept certain things. Especially when society makes things like mental illness so taboo. But I’m 23 now and I realize I went through nothing a child should ever have to, and yes I survived but at the cost of my mental and physical well being. Coming to terms with that, and that I can't and will never be fully able-bodied is hard. I'm hoping that eventually, I learn to accept and love myself the way I am and stop comparing myself to others. A bit about my conditions:

Mental:

•C-PTSD

•Anxiety/Panic Disorder [Severe]

•BPD

•Bipolar

•Depression [Severe]

•Dissociative Disorder

•DPDR

•OCD

•Paranoid Personality Disorder

•Maladaptive Daydreaming. [not sure if this counts much.]

| I also think I have OSDD-1b but I'm too scared to tell my new Doctor just yet.

Physical:

•IBS-D

•Fibromyalgia

•PCOS

•Psoriasis

•Terrible sinus/ear issues that we don't know what it's from yet.

•Eating Disorders. [A and B, as well as BED]  •Sluggish Gallbladder

Medications:

Going to start Vistaril soon for my anxiety. Hope it helps. If anyone is on it too let me know how it helps for you.

Tldr; I'm using this blog as a way to help vent and come to terms with things about my mental and physical health. The past few years have hit me so hard. A lot of trauma memories resurfacing because of trying to recover from abuse and a bad childhood. The stress of this flaring up my body and a lot of invalidation from my mother and family. I just want to at least make a small place for myself where I can feel that I somewhat belong, even a tiny bit.

So..Lets see where this goes. :)

EnchantingWarriorPrincess

This is my personal blog. I come here to share achievements of my life; both big and small. I'll share small things that I think is cute or that are making me happy. I am also going to share my thoughts here, on just anything. I don't say my opinions are all correct or expect others to believe them too. it is just what I am thinking and I just want to say it somewhere. I might not be right to think so. And I also come here to rant too, to relieve my anger and stress. AND most importantly I'll post related to BTS here too, yeah I am an PROUD ARMY. This blog is just my safe place; my hideout. Good luck to me, to be able to post constantly.

It's been a while since I left Tumblr. I didn't mean to but it happened tht way. But now I'm back again here 🥳. I'm going to start over my blogging soon. Please take good care of me and follow my blog too 😉