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Selfhate - Blog Posts
aha this is the year where self hatred is most effective, just a few days ago i got a panic attack. i hate myself (=–=)<⁄3
I'm supposed to be asleep right now
But once again I'm in my room crying
Wishing that everything would just stop.
Do you ever just lay on the bathroom floor crying your eyes out because you just can't handle anything anymore and everything feels like it's crashing down
Yeah me too
Maybe if I physically damage myself they’ll listen.
Now who's going to love me for the scars you left behind??
I don't just like you, I love you and that scares me..
Sorry...
Sorry for being a burden.
Sorry for being clingy.
Sorry for being such a mess.
Sorry for having no self control.
Sorry for being insensitive.
Sorry for being thougtless.
Sorry for being heartless.
Sorry for being unempathic.
Sorry for overestimating.
Sorry for not grasping cues.
Sorry for being emotional.
Sorry for overthinking.
Sorry for being distant.
Sorry for being manic.
Sorry for being depressed.
Sorry for being arrogant.
Sorry for hating myself.
Sorry for bothering you.
Sorry for dissapointing you.
Sorry for making excuses.
Sorry for being suicidal.
Sorry for telling you about it.
Sorry for staying.
Sorry for opening up.
Sorry for saying all that.
Sorry for apologizing.
...I'm sorry.
I'm literally crying
Tumblr is being such a jerk rn.
I was writing Emil's backstory and decided to make it a draft so I can read other stuff then when I went back to drafts to check on it, it said 1 drafts but when I checked it... It wasn't there. It said that I had no drafts-
BRO I DO HAVE A DRAFT DJBSJSBSJFVSJBEJD DUX DHDBFB
Best place to cut is on your fingertips, Nobody checks there and you can make any excuse for it.
Do you know
I’m not me anymore
There’s nothing left to live for
You say you know everything
But why does it fails when it comes to me
Do you know
Even I don’t know who I am anymore
My brain is is slowly killing me
And I’m just letting it be
And my body is begging for me survive
But what if I don’t want to
To be called all these names
To be ashamed of myself
To HATE myself
Do you know
Your words are like knives in my heart
And these knives are tearing me apart
You took my innocence away
But for you it was just a play
Can you stop
Please STOP
Cause I don’t think I can fight anymore
no one
it doesn't matter how hard I'm trying to pretend that everything is okay.
it doesn't matter how sad I am and I've been all these years
it doesn't matter if I cry or if I destroy my body
it doesn't matter
because no one seems to notice
are they blind? are they ignoring me?
i know I'm not important but anyways I was at last expecting a kind of hero.
do I have to scream? because I'm already aphonic
and tired
of crying
of feeling more than lonely
of my mind
especially for this dark shitty awful pleace that we call mind.
of me
so I'm sorry if I give up
it's not your fault.
it's mine
all mine.
because I don't see the world the same you as you see it
i only see black and white
more black than white
more darkness
in this emptiness
in me.
I just want to stop overthinking every second of my life about this
about how useless I am
about all my defects
about things I can't do
about things I've done
about things I should have done
about things I should do but I know I'm not going to.
so that it, basically
my existence is nothing
just because I'm nothing.