Very Well Said - Blog Posts

It is actually completely valid to feel saddened and frustrated by how nonhumanity and therianthropy have been reduced to masks, quadrobics, and tails. It’s an extremely personal experience, and now all we get is this same type of content over and over again that feels like roleplaying and dress up. It feels so synthetic and strictly made for others, and it’s fine if you’re mad at the lack of actual experiences and talk of actual nonhuman feelings that aren’t just “I wanna go home to the forest” “look at my mask/paws/tail” “managed to do this quads jump today”. I don’t believe that that’s the only time you feel shifty. I don’t. And I want to hear more about your daily experiences about your nonhumanity, how it affects you, what makes you euphoric. I want back originality and actually talking about your experiences that aren’t conventional and the same with everyone (as much as they might be similar in the general nonhumanity aspect).

Today is New Year's Eve, typically my favorite Christmas festivity. But this year is different, this year is harder and sadder, because everything that makes festivities special has been taken away 😭

After this year, I'll never take for granted all the people around me. I'll never take for granted my grandma's cooking and love, my mother's renovated hopes making her the soul of the party, my brother's awkwardness, my teary great-aunt, my grandpa's falling asleep in the midst of chaos, my tipsy uncles, my aunty's cheerfulness, my dear cousin throwing me shrimp's heads, the little children running everywhere... I'll miss our traditions: everyone wearing matching red underwear bought by grandma's, my uncle starting to eat the grapes at the quarter bells, my aunt forgeting at least one grape, jumping on the right foot when the clock strikes twelve, the gold jewelry shining inside champagne flutes during our midnight toast... and midnight hugs and kisses. 

Today there won't be none of that, not for me, not for so many people in the world. Today we won't celebrate this holiday as it should be celebrated (well, whatever your traditions are where you come from), but we'll keep fighting against this pandemic to celebrate the next. We're not close to our old normal yet, but we're getting there. There's more hope for this year to come than we've ever wished for another, and one day more of resisting this is one day less for it to end.

And for mental well-being to come back, thank you very much.

To all my friends here: celebrate as you want or feel, or don't celebrate if you're not up to it. I wish you and your love ones health and safety and love 💕 And to all of you who've lost someone, you who have to see an empty chair, I send you strength and all the virtual hugs in the world.

I hope for a 2021 filled with you lovely people!

What is your take on Astarion's relationship with his siblings?

I have put unreasonable amounts of time into thinking about what the dynamics were like during Cazador's reign in that house. I mean, imagine sharing the same tasks, bedrooms, and general experiences of abuse and duress with the same people FOR TWO HUNDRED YEARS. That's absolute madness. If any of you have had experiences with co-living with family under stress for any extensive amount of time, you know very well the levels of emotional 4D chess-ing that tend to take place as a result. You end up distributing so much frustration and anger around and often onto the very same people you will ultimately seek comfort from - this is that situation but blown up to impossible proportions.

So, "strained" doesn't really do justice as a descriptor here. I believe the family had a dynamic, ever-evolving hierarchy within itself, years-worthy of time where the spawn shifted alliances and made "cliques" within themselves - rebels would evolve into pushovers and trusted friends would turn into snitches. You had endless amounts of drama within the group and flies on the walls would witness them cut each other's heads off one day and sob into one another's laps the next.

Naturally I think all of them were resistant to the concept of being a "family" at first, but it's pretty much impossible to not develop family-like ties throughout that long of a period. Following Cazador's death, I believe there would be further splintering within as some want to maintain said ties and others are eager to cut them - seeing both their siblings and the relationships themselves as yet another painful reminder of what Cazador imposed upon them.

I think Astarion falls into the latter category. If he had his way, he would never see, speak, or think of his brothers and sisters again. And while the sibling nomenclature is a deeply-rooted habit, he doesn't think it holds any legitimacy whatsoever (whether or not that's the case in his heart is another matter).

Dalyria (the moon-elf physician, whom I have come up with a story, personality, background and motivations during several long showers that might not necessarily line up with yours, so, if anything of what I'm about to say seems pulled out of a hat, it's because it was) is the opposite. She has grown attached to the constant presence of her siblings and taken a mother-goose role upon herself. With the Exception of Leonard and Violet (more on that later) she has decided they are her responsibility and wishes the group would stick together.

I like to think that there's a lot of history between those two in particular. Obviously, the interactions between Astarion and his siblings are very brief, but It's enough to run with. Dalyria shows a lot of concern and understanding towards him and even pleads when he threatens Petras' life - again, I think she did a lot of trying to pragmatically keep the peace among them and genuinely grew attached to a few - Astarion being the main one of said few. You even get the smallest hint of a on-and-off intimate relationship with the way he derisively calls her by her nickname.

Also, Astarion very occasionally showcases enough emotional maturity that I could see him latching onto the one other person around who seems to have her wits about her, but he's still flawed enough that Dalyria can think of him as a younger sibling that needs her care. Not to mention that, to me, she demonstrates a penchant for moral superiority and a dash of a machiavellian outlook, based on her diary and her completely unapologetic initiative to kill a child on the small chance it would lead her to a cure - not any child either, but Leonard's child. I can totally see Astarion sympathizing and gravitating towards someone like that.

Which brings us to the rest of the siblings - I would wager that, at least by the end of it all, Leonard and Violet were the odd-ones out. As it tends to happen within any tight-knit group, when one succeeds by stepping over the others (even if the reasons for it are justifiable) that brews a lot of resentment and eventual exclusion. Leonard not only did that, but he apparently still held onto hope of future and family outside the Szarr house; wheter or not everybody wanted out, I think a us-versus-them mentality is unavoidable under those circumstances, and Leonard was looked down upon by the others in their respective ways for what he was trying to do.

Violet just seems like she had gone a little cuckoo to me. We get very little about her, but when I think of an adult woman playing childish pranks on her roomates while you are all stuck in what's essentially a human trafficking ring... I think of a person who's either just a very silly breed of evil or who has lost touch with reality, and the latter is more interesting, imo. I think no one liked her, not only because she was a nuisance but also because she became completely emotionally untouchable. I think both Violet and Leonard are spawn who did not survive long after they were all freed.

I'll stop here before I ramble on for another 8 paragraphs about Aurelia, Yousen and Petras (Oh Petras, my beloved), but, yes, suffice to say that I believe it was kind of complicated LOL

EDIT: Not me calling Leon "Leonard" this whole post. Sorry buddy, you look like a Leonard.

The Duties of a Magical Girl

A few people have asked me what I would consider to be valid work for a magical girl. In a similar vein, I’ve seen a lot of folks here struggle with the idea of ‘concepts’ and feeling that they need to conform to a preconceived notion of what magical heroes do.

This post has been a long time coming but I think I’m finally feeling confident about what I want to convey here. If you’ve been waiting on this, thank you so much for your patience and I hope it helps you in your journey!

This post is part of my Magi Praxis series. If you have any suggestions for future topics, or you have attempted anything I have shared and want you share your experiences, please send me a message! I am always happy to go back and provide further explanation as well. ☆

While tasks like tracking down Labyrinths and vanquishing evil entities seem to be almost standard for many magical girls, these by no means define what it means to be a magical hero. I would also go so far as to say that you do not need to transform, whether that would be physically or astrally, to be a magical girl.

Our jobs boil down to a simple idea: to make the world a better place. How we then decide to go about that is what ultimately makes our individual approaches and practices unique.

While a statement like ‘making the world a better place’ can seem grandiose and unachievable, we can decide to start smaller or on a more personal level. Realistically, it may be more feasible and responsible to approach your work in a way that makes the world better for you, your friends and family, or your communities.

We do not all need to tackle big, existential problems through our magical duties—especially if you’re just starting out on your journey. Focus on making the world happier, more welcoming, and more habitable for you. This may take the form of self-care, confidence boosting, or glamours through the use of magia. You can also do this through volunteer work, community building, and mutual aid; I often find that helping others helps me with my complicated feelings of confidence and self-worth.

This is not to say that the astral battles and the like aren’t worthwhile, but they should be done with the goal of making our world and communities better—however you envision that to be.