Timing - Blog Posts

@qibsichan send me this and we both think this is funny because of the timing and she gave me the green light to post this because funny and the timing

I wish I could turn back time.

Confrontation.

Is it better to wait it out to see what happens, or is it better just go outright and ask what's going on? What if the timing isn't right and you just messed everything up? Is it necessary to know right this instance, if nothing is really wrong? Or does the fact that the curiosity is eating at you enough to make you push for an answer? Or maybe it's just a waste of time to bother. Maybe it's all too late and the changes have already been made. And who are you to alter what's already happened?

Walk by faith.

Solace, Or so I think it is. It got to the point where the pressure inside a pot decided to explode. We finally had our conversation, "The Talk." We spent five hours on the phone discussing how we did not communicate with each other.  It was illuminating and comforting on my end, but you remained the same. This makes sense because I was the over-thinker. The emotionally unstable one, you let me know once again that you are in NO position to be in a relationship nor, are you seeking out to be in one. And I got an understanding that our previous flirtation was just a mere made-up imagination. Created by me.

 But... You heard my side of the story and my confusion. and my emotion. You understood me. You answered my questions and for that, you're a great guy. But we know that already, even though I've been friend-zoned again. I oddly feel peace in my heart. And I thank you Lord for that. And I thank you Lord for not allowing me to lose my Best Friend. Although I fully respect his mentality. Deep inside, I have a hopeful feeling that something might happen in the future. But it's in God's Will and not mine. I'm going to remain still. And Appreciate the blessing of still having you in my life. I do pray tho. Once you are ready and your cookie dough turns into amazing cookies. I pray that you wouldn't forget me. I pray that one day, you do miss me when I go off to work. Or you care about my feelings. I pray that one day, you realize how much I love you and I would never stop loving you. I don't judge you for your imperfections but see them as beautiful qualities that make you perfect. I pray that one day I'd be able to experience what it's like to hold your hand and feel the warmth of your arm wrapped around mine. Blessed, Invested, and Raised in the Lord. As of now, I will remain still. I will enjoy our friendship to the end of time. I thank you for not giving up on me. I'd rather swallow my feelings and live in turmoil than live a lifetime of pain, knowing I lost you. So for now, I'll remain your pal. Thank you, Lord, for the many blessing you have given me. Again, Lord, I pray for healing, for stillness and solace. Overall I pray for D, and that one day he receives the answers that he's looking for. The justice he deserves. I pray that you continue using him as your light and that he achieves the shower of blessings that you will give him. So please continue to work on his heart and soften it. Make it receptive and open-minded to anything that gets thrown at him. One last thing, Thank you, Lord, for keeping my heart intact with tape and glue cause you know it's broken.

I've never felt like this... fuck I miss him.

Were keeping distance because were both not ready.

my scars haven't even healed, and i don't think they're going to heal anytime soon.

Hes not ready to be open and trust me

My mind is a constant battle, and even when we were "together", I couldn't mentally handle it.

I'm really not ready, and neither is he, and it fucking sucks because I think he's the one.

ik its only been a short time, but I think I love him.

but it doesnt matter. he's gonna move on soon, but I never will.

"You and i were meant to be, but only in a memory"

- Lauren Duski -Deja Vu

I thought you were the one for me...

I just feel like ill always be stuck. Stuck in the middle of a goodbye. Never feeling that pain, but never feeling that closure. Never feeling the certainty that somethings gone and is never coming back. I will always be frozen in this one time frame. Never wanting less, never having more. Im just stuck.

My sleeve rolled up, but only for a second. I didnt even notice my fresh scars were showing. Suddenly i feel my sleeve being pulled up. Its my "friend". She doesnt know i cut. Only 1 person knows. I just said it was my sisters cat. She didnt buy it. Other people start to join in, asking what really happened. Ive beeen keeping this secret for 2 years, and ill be damned if they find out now.

Eventually, they gave up on asking. That night, i cut a little too deep. A little too far down. My thighs were already covered in blood, so i moved on to my upper arms, so it could be covered with a tshirt. It started rolling up again and the next day, i felt that same terror as someone tried pulling up my sleeve without warning. I couldnt think. I was in a group of about 10 people, and i had a total breakdown. I blacked out, but luckily, my one friend was in that group and told everyone to just leave me alone. Thats why i love her so much. I know she'll always have my back, even though we havent talked about it in a year.

I still think we were meant to be, just not forever.

-My midnight thoughts.

Timing living

I've been all about timing lately. If it was up to me, I'd live the rest of my life in one week. But of course it's futile thinking.

A very successful man was lecturing last Saturday, and he was giving business and life-leading tips. There was one point in his speech, which grabbed my attention and it found its way to deep inside my head: there are things, which we would urge but it is not YET time for them.

Yesterday (last night) I read the Bible, book of Esther, and the main motive, which I noticed is, that in that historical period, everything was going according to a plan. The participants of the story must have been just as lost, as I feel sometimes but looking at their whole life ine one, I must admit, that every little step had its own meaning and importance.

Maybe life is like a house, where every brick has a number on them, determining where they must be put. If we were to try to put the bricks not in order, the whole building would simply collapse... There's only one way to make it right: in order, step by step.

:)

Eh....Anonymous

All right, I’m not clean, proud nor happy about this but facts are true when we like them and when we don’t. These three films are brilliant (in my opinion), and I love them and while I will not purchase anything related to the man behind the shadows of these films, to not have them included in my favorites would be a lie—so I crammed them all together as films I wish were associated with someone else –and that’s all I can say on the matter as my alliance for these films still struggles.

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion 

Way back when, my family (mostly my Dad and I) would watch two films on New Year’s Eve instead of just one, along with getting Chinese food for dinner. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion was one of the first ones, one we watched at least a second New Year’s Eve and is one of my favorite comedies. I have re-watched it many times and I always love it. Like its main character, it’s ridiculous and cartoon-like, perfectly matching the music that goes with it--like a live-action Bugs Bunny cartoon. Watching an investigator thump around and somehow, luckily solve the mystery—is preposterous, even more so than the romantic ending. But if you find to have similar taste as I do, which most don’t, this one will have you laugh out loud so much that your father starts to watch from another room.

Crimes and Misdemeanors

Please, please, hold the accurate screams for the stars of this film that escape from your body as if you are a stereotyped middle school girl from ten years ago that just saw Justin Bieber. Sam Waterson, Jerry Orbach (RIP) and Alan Alda—heaven and probably my main reasons for loving this film (in order) not just because it was them but because I saw a different character of them that I was more used to (thou not Alan Alda in this case, I agree he was schmucky). I would agree with other reviewers that it’s not exactly the suspense of what’s going to happen that fuels the story but what these ‘average’ people will do, how they will react and how the rest of their lives will be impacted. Except for Judah’s connection to hitman, and part of the story having a connection to the acting/film industry—the stories are all pretty common. People who are in unhappy marriages, people who have affairs; these stories are common. A lot of “coming of age” stories are about teenagers and young adults, but after 50 or so years sometimes we come to a new level of understanding of ourselves or a different realization than before and make different choices and we adapt again rising to a new challenge or falling below expectations—but which one was which

“And after the awful deed is done, he finds that he's plagued by deep-rooted guilt. Little sparks of his religious background which he'd rejected are suddenly stirred up. He hears his father's voice. He imagines that God is watching his every move. Suddenly, it's not an empty universe at all, but a just and moral one, and he's violated it.”

Match Point

Match Point really is just an extension of Crimes and Misdemeanors, the only larger change is that the ending result comes from a combination of the actions of the main character along with ‘fate’ as opposed to just dumb luck. Both main characters in Crimes and Misdemeanors and Match Point show that with real consequences, the choices you make are different than what you think they would be; but also how your worst choices show your true character because even thou both Judah and Tom both felt extreme guilt….they got over it pretty quickly

 Shout out: Melinda and Melinda a complete extreme of how perspective can shape so much

r u capable of feeling what is the right time to leave?

r u capable of entering the doors that reality offers u?